College: a journey of mistakes by Annemie

College: a journey of mistakes by Annemie - November 2016 Scholarship Essay

I have always wanted to become a doctor. At a very young age, my parents would ask me what do I want to be when I grow up and my answers would be: an audiologist, neurologist, an ER doctor, a vet, a nurse, a cardiologist…some health care professional. So, since my mom knew I would need to have good grades for that to happen, she has taken it upon herself to make sure I am a good student. I remember that she would let me skip my turn to wash the dishes (and leave my poor brother to do the job) just so that I could study. She was strict. Going through high school I also became an athlete because, you know, the big universities like well-rounded students that can exceed in 7 things at once (I am exaggerating). Everything I did was so that I can go to med school one day. And again, my poor mother held me accountable. When I competed on weekends and did well I felt excited that I was able to make my parents proud. When I didn’t do well I felt extremely disappointed and sad because in my mind I let them down. They work so hard to be able to pay for coaching and even the opportunity to compete. Suddenly I started to work to make them happy and they worked so I can be happy, which is med school right?
My hard work payed off. I became a division I athlete on a full scholarship at a university in the United States, half a world away from my home. My major was a BS in Human Physiology, a minor in Psychology and pre-med (you know, that well-roundedness idea). And my whole college career has led me to this moment: discovery. I needed to learn some things about myself and life. I had to learn to take responsibility of my choices. I had to learn that when you fail or make mistakes, it is okay because in college you can get a second chance (or a class curve to save you sometimes). I had to learn what my parents want and most importantly what I want. Sure I want to help people, but there are thousands of professions that “helps” people. I needed to get rid of this tunnel vision that being an MD is the only way that I can help people. And that’s what my parents want, right?
And so during my senior year, I sent my applications and did not get accepted. So much for making them proud. I had to make a choice before I am done: do I stay in the country and apply again, do I try a different profession or do I go home. And in my last year of college, at that moment I was placed on the road to discover my biggest mistake: don’t do things that you think other people wants you to do. Not once did I stop and ask myself if this is what I want to do. Sure the United States is the land of opportunity and I decided to stay to apply again. I was even more half-hearted than before, because I convinced myself that I would disappoint my parents if I don’t become a medical doctor. I didn’t get accepted.

It was almost time for my VISA to run out when my best friend went through a rough time and on many occasions told me that I can’t leave her. So this time I stayed because I thought she wanted me to. She promised me that she would cosign for me so I could get a loan to go to school again (which was so amazing). But in the middle of my second month of grad school she decided not to do it anymore and I was stuck owing the school a bunch of money and no means to pay it. At the same time, she also ended up meeting someone who she wants to marry and I barely see her now.

When I realized my mistake I panicked, because I didn’t know what I want. Do I try to finish grad school? Are my parents mad at me? I called them that night crying because I felt extremely alone and confused and they said something that entirely set me free from this trap of pleasing others. They told me that whatever I choose, they will support me all the way. I didn’t need to try to make them proud because they were proud of me from day one. They would even help me pay for school if that was my choice. For the first time I get to decide for me. So I chose to stay but this time because I wanted to. I am at Palmer College of Chiropractic and am off to pursue my career as a chiropractor (still a health care professional) and I am so happy now. I am so thankful that I was able to make mistakes in college. Because now I am free to choose what I want and I learned how much my family loves me. And when I graduate as a Doctor of Chiropractic, I will still see a smile on my parents’ face because now I have a smile on mine.