Learning to Question Math by Zia

Learning to Question Math by Zia - April 2019 Scholarship Essay

My fear of math began in middle school, when after asking a question in class, several girls snickered at me behind elevated notebooks. The solution in my mind was simple--to stop asking questions so I wouldn't receive such stares--however when I stopped doing so, my understanding of the material began to suffer. By the time I got to high school, I was petrified of math. Though I was placed on the advanced math track, I dreaded each class, sure that my placement there was some mistake. It didn't help that freshman math was geometry, a subject that seemed to come naturally to all my friends, even as the shapes I stared at on the page didn't make sense to me. If I was given a formula, I could plug things in. But to conceptualize shapes was too hard for me, and this deficiency made me feel all the worse about math.
By sophomore year, I didn't participate in class. Though I remained in advanced courses, I spent time as a class clown, cracking puns about the material more than I asked questions. Thankfully, algebra came more easily to me, however I still felt as though asking questions in a silent classroom would be declaring an incompetency.
My habits remained fixed until the following year, when I joined Honors Precalculus. My teacher, at the beginning of each class, would ask us if we had questions on the homework we were about to turn in. After handing back our graded homework, he would also ask us if we had any questions. I didn't change immediately. But when it became clear that I'd make a mistake on a homework, not ask anything, and then make the same mistake on a test, he reached out to me. "Why aren't you asking questions?"
I explained how I didn't want to be viewed as dumb in the class, how I already felt I was bad at math and questioning the material anymore felt like announcing to the world my stupidity. "But part of learning is asking questions. What's dumb is not asking questions, denying yourself the knowledge."
I considered his words, and suddenly realized their application to me. For so long, I'd feared judgement, held myself back, been afraid of being dumb, when really the person who was judging me most was me, and the only reason I felt dumb was because I didn't know the answers to questions I wasn't brave enough to ask in the first place.
Since, I have been an active participant in class, questioning every theorem, equation, and formula we are given, prodding the material as much as I can so that I can make the most out of the education I am fortunate to have. The road to asking questions wasn't an easy one, however as someone who feels confident enough to speak out and take an active role in my own education, I can attest to its importance.