“It Be Like that Sometimes” by Vanessa

“It Be Like that Sometimes” by Vanessa - November 2018 Scholarship Essay

As a perfectionist, my expectation for anything I do must have been created towards my own “perfect” image. Every detail is particular and flawless. Growing up, I was taught to put in all my effort into projects or else it wasn’t considered finished. The expectations I put on myself sometimes are unattainable. I put an unbearable amount of pressure on myself to reach a certain product. When my output does not satisfy my expectations, I get angry and frustrated at myself. My emotional distress eventually lurks into the most trivial parts of my everyday life, like sewing, shopping or even cooking. Eventually this toxic expectation became detrimental to my mental health.

Despite the phrase being completely grammatically incorrect, it represents a healthier mindset that I try to attain. When under pressure to perfect, I am in a trance that I can’t get out of. As I finish, I sometimes tell myself that I could improve the final product. By simply thinking “It be like that sometimes”, I tell myself that while things may not turn out the way I want it to, I did the best I could.

Some may argue that I’m too uptight about lots of things. Some may say that I take a lot of things too seriously. I have heard it all. Instead of trying to fix it and get rid of that quality, I’ve learned to embrace that part of myself and find ways to work with it. When balanced, I believe that my so-called flaws can be turned into a strength.