Jury Prep is Stressful by Titus

Jury Prep is Stressful by Titus - March 2014 Scholarship Essay

One of my greatest academic achievements was passing my clarinet jury to move from elementary level clarinet to advanced level clarinet. I think about the process and preparation and how incredibly stressful it was to prepare for it. For the woodwind jury requirements preparation included choosing an etude, memorizing all major and minor scales in all forms and memorizing a movement from a concerto. What was helpful for all the work was being able to choose the pieces to work on performing. What was scary and intimidating for me was performing a concerto by memory in front of my clarinet peers. My junior year of college was the first I ever performed something by memory for other clarinet players. I had always managed to avoid doing this in clarinet master class because I always came up with excuses as to why I did not need to perform. I am not a performance major, I had other classes to study for, or I just did not feel well.

The day was coming and I knew I could not get out of it this time. The day before I did not sleep cause I had worked up such nervousness I just knew I was not going to perform. I had spent time trying to come up with excuses, but my professor already knew what I was up to when she called my name and told me, “No more excuses.” I stepped on stage and I started to play and I forgot one simple thing, and that was to simply breathe. I forgot to relax and just breathe before performing, so while I was performing I did not exhale, so I kept taking breathe on top of breathe on top of breathe, that when I was nearing the end of the piece, the room started spinning, and getting black, and I was getting quite nauseous. I raised my hand and told my professor I had to sit down or I was going to pass out right on stage. She touched my shoulder and felt my heart beating so fast, so she turned my near disaster into a teaching moment. She explained to the class that it is important to relax and take a couple breathes before starting and do not forget to exhale. I stood back up and finished the last few measures of the concerto, and I did not pass out. After that performance, I became much more confident and enjoyed hearing myself as a performer.

That experience prepared me for my music jury and I auditioned for two concert competitions and tied for 4th place that same year. Going through that experience prepared me for my music jury that I passed with an A and it built my confidence as a player and performer, it also prepared me for future jobs and everyday situations. It taught me that the only way to get over my fears is to just face it head on; to keep avoiding or procrastinating is only going to keep the anxiety going and it is better to just get things done and over, and most of the time it is not as bad as what I thought. Performing in front of my friends is very stressful but it was all a learning experience, and it is what you can take away from a situation and learn from it that can be applied to many life lessons.