Conquering Fear by Tiary

Conquering Fear by Tiary - June 2016 Scholarship Essay

There are two key factors that stop an individual from pursuing their hopes and dreams in life: failure and the fear of failing again. Both are characteristics that invaded my mind and were real life parasites throughout my time in college.

I thought that I had been very well prepared upon entering college. I had maintained a 4.0 most of my life, had gone off to a private boarding school, gotten accepted into every college that I had applied for, and decided on my top choice: Emory University. Sure, the college experience is an adjustment for anyone, and while some may describe it as exciting or liberating, a great percentage of my college experience included fear, the thoughts of being inadequate, and ultimately perseverance.

While my obstacles extended beyond academics (a medical diagnosis, 3 deaths in the family, and dealing with the everyday life of being a minority) there was one particular academic obstacle that taught me an incredible lesson about fear. I was a Journalism and Jewish Studies major, and I had dreams of writing best-selling novels and starting my own magazine company. I had always excelled with my writing, and I wanted nothing more than to use my passion to change the world. Those dreams were put on hold my sophomore year. As if the university cutting my major wasn’t enough, I was accused of plagiarism and sent to a jury to plead my case. That was when I realized that I had never properly learned how to cite papers. Although the offense was a simple mistake, I was convicted and given an F in the course. Over the next two years, I made similar mistakes and received a failing grade in two more courses. I felt completely defeated and inadequate. How could I continuously make such careless mistakes? What exactly was it that I wasn’t understanding about correctly citing my work? How had I failed so many courses that I was now unable to graduate on time?

I was a writer, but I now had an extreme fear of writing. On top of that, the thoughts of others inundated my mind. What would my class think about me not graduating on time? Would people think that I was stupid? I wanted to quit. I increasingly felt as if it would be easier to give up than to face the possibility of plagiarizing again or having my peers make fun of me. While I had begged my parents to grant me their blessing of taking a year off, it was my depression that had the final say. I spent the following year in treatment and decided that I had come too far to give up. The skills that I had obtained in treatment renewed my courage and put my insecurities a little more at rest. When I re-enrolled, I was ready to face my fears head on. I went the extra mile to make sure my papers were correctly sourced, and my performances that semester were better than all the semesters before.

As graduation approached, I took inventory on how my years at Emory had been. It was not important that I graduated two years after my expected graduation class. What was important was that I graduated. I was presented with an obstacle, conquered it, and used it as a building block that propelled my success. Now that I have graduated, I fully understand the lesson that I was meant to learn, and it's now that I need these knowledgeable experiences more than ever. I am excited to embark on a journey of pursuing my graduate education and finally fulfilling my every passion. As I think about the time that I spent at Emory University, I now know that it was not wasted. Those five arduous years are not in vain, for they were the building blocks that prepared me for a lifetime of incredible opportunities that I still have before me.