My What If's by Teri

My What If's by Teri - November 2018 Scholarship Essay

“We can’t waste time worrying about the what if’s.”
– Ichigo Kurosaki

The paper is engraved with a brain in the center. Arrows point out from each structure, magnifying the definitions. I step back with my partner, awing at our finished project, but then, I start criticizing the work we have done. What if I had done a PowerPoint? Would it have been neater? What if I worked alone? Would I have memorized the brain structures by now? What if I had done it at home? Would it have been more extravagant?

Sometimes, I overthink the simplest detail. When I make a mistake, I analyze the way my brain thought during that time. Most of the time I’ll have regrets because I felt that I could have changed my fate by going the other route. However, my perspective on mistakes changed after I saw the outcome of destiny.

The clock is ticking every second until the hands touch 2:10. My hands cover my ears as I try to make a last-minute decision: should I go home or stay after school? If I stay after school, then I could attend the Nature Society meeting and meet up with my friends to work on editing our essays. But if I decide to go home, then I could eat and finish my schoolwork early so that I can obtain extra sleep.

When the bell rings, I scoot out of my chair and head out the door. My decision is to race against the crowd and head upstairs to reach the classroom on time. Settling in a desk in the middle of the room, I pull out my phone to work on my essay. But then I am interrupted by the sound of my name being called.

“Hey, Teri!” Monica exclaims.

“Hello Monica!”

Placing my phone on the desk, I focus my attention on a friend I haven’t seen in weeks. When the meeting commenced, I laugh at my lack of knowledge as the sponsor asks some trivia questions relating to Georgia, my home state. After I received special dates, I jog over to the library.

Strolling in, I scanned the area for Richard, Ilene, and Nancy. Once I spotted them watching the screen in one of the private rooms, I quickly sign in and check out a laptop. I could see Richard slide the door open and pull a chair from another room for me.

As I sit down on the chair, I swirl around as they start to comment on Nancy’s essay. Once they do, I begin to question everything I knew about her. I thought she was Chinese all this time, but she was actually half Vietnamese as well. In addition, I learned that there were different types of dialects in China, and Richard and Nancy spoke Cantonese all this time, not Chinese.

Then, when I stand in front of the school for my mom, I encounter a friend I haven’t seen since fifth grade. We talk for an hour, catching up on our lives for the past 6 years. When I wave goodbye as I enter the house, I’m sad to go home. I had so much fun at school that I didn’t want to finish my homework.

Even though I cannot set my mind on a direct path, I have come to accept that moments in life should not be disappointing. What if’s only popped in my mind when I wasn’t satisfied, but with life giving me so many options, I know that I need to focus on the present because there is so much joy to be found. Instead of looking back, I head down the path that best suits my future.