The Mirror: A Reflection, Not an Image by Taylyn

The Mirror: A Reflection, Not an Image by Taylyn - November 2013 Scholarship Essay

Silver eye shadow, charcoal eyeliner, and long micro braids that extended down my torso. This is what I wore for my 9th grade school picture. This is also an example of who I tried to be, rather than who I really was. However, there is a reason as to why I masked my true self by utilizing a false identity. I had a very difficult middle school career. I was constantly ridiculed for my intelligence. During my middle school days, it wasn't cool to be an intelligent, black girl. I was picked on by the black children for embracing my intelligence and "acting white" and I was shunned by the white children for being in advanced classes and being "too black." I was picked on by the close-knit Asians for not fitting in with "my people." I was befriended by no one. I can honestly admit that I didn't try to be accepted during this time in my life. I didn't feel the need to be because at the time, acceptance felt inevitable. I found comfort in knowing that I could jump off the bus each day at 4:15 p.m. and run into the shadows of my house, where there was only love. As I'm sure you've guessed by now, this feeling of acceptance changed as soon as I reached middle school. I figured that going to Nashville's top academic high school would be the best template for a fresh start. I didn't want to go through another 4 years of non-acceptance. I thought to myself, "Is ONE friend really too much to ask?"

I attended my first day of high school and noticed that everyone was wearing pounds of makeup, including the ninth graders. I thought that this was the way to acceptance so I purchased a silver crème eye shadow stick and a charcoal black eyeliner pencil from my local beauty supply store the following day. For the duration of my entire ninth grade year, I wore this makeup. I made friends and received attention from Senior boys. I figured that I would just stick to this technique for acceptance for the remaining three years. However, something happened my tenth grade year. I gradually began to change in regards to my feelings of acceptance. While I had friends, many people still ridiculed me because of my reserved mannerism. Upon noticing that I enjoyed the feeling of acceptance, but didn't really care whether or not people accepted me any longer, I consumed myself in my studies, as well as Track and the African American Studies Club. I succeeded in my endeavors in each of these extracurricular activities and excelled in my studies, even earning the opportunity to attend college after my sophomore year in high school.

I took this opportunity and am now a 17 year old sophomore at the University of Evansville in Evansville, Indiana. Reflecting on my two years in high school, I can honestly say that I learned the value of being myself. As cliché as it might sound, there is nothing more important to me now, than "being myself." I cannot say that I do not care what people think about me because I do always strive to be a positive image. However, I can say that I am no longer concerned with conformity. I don't find it necessary to conform to the desires of others in order to achieve acceptance. This past May, I was faced with the option of walking with the 2013 Class at my high school to receive my high school degree. I decided to walk, and as I was standing in front of my mother's bathroom mirror while she straightened my royal blue cap and gold tassel, I reflected on all that high school had taught me, despite having only been there for a short period of time. I looked in that mirror and saw accomplishments. I saw accomplishments that reflected ME. I wasn't merely an image wearing a cap and gown. I was a reflection of a lesson that high school had taught me: "All I have to do is be myself, and I can succeed."