Resilience Is Different. by Taitiana

Resilience Is Different. by Taitiana - November 2018 Scholarship Essay

Yasmin Mogahed stated, "Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going." As an individual, I try not to ignore the things in life that make me uncomfortable, or disregard the feelings that are difficult to work through. My many imperfections are what make me human, and unlike most, I desire to embrace myself fully in my emotions, as well as my failures in school, and in my home-life.
In high school especially, I remember quite vividly refusing to ask for help when I was struggling. School had always been easy for me, but sophomore year came with a new set of challenges that I did not know how to handle. I continued to ignore my struggles until my grades began to suffer, and my teachers began to wonder what had happened with my determination to succeed. I failed time and again, and I still fail at things and manage to fall short sometimes, but instead of giving up, after every fall, I pick my head up, regroup, and set my mind on improving so that I don't fail again. Resilience is not being numb; I learn from all my failed attempts, and plan my next actions accordingly, instead of accepting failure for what it is both in my academics and throughout the rest of my life.
Though my mood is typically positive, my thoughts and emotions do not always reflect what is displayed to the general public. Expressing my emotions has never been nostalgic for me, crying especially makes me feel vulnerable. I find it difficult to escape my internal sensitivities, and as someone who is expected to be a strong young leader, I feel that my emotions hinder my performance. Resilience is defined as the ability to recover quickly, or to spring back after receiving a blow. I still struggle with the idea that my emotions make me human, but as I've aged, I understand how acknowledging my hurt and allowing myself to feel my emotions can fuel my determination to keep fighting.
Humans are not perfect, and I am no different. I experience pain, I fail, and I fall short of my expectations of myself, but when things get tough, I choose to persevere. Resilience is not the absence of pain and failure, but the ability to acknowledge one's own imperfections, and choose to keep going.