Leading Myself to Leadership by Stephanie

Leading Myself to Leadership by Stephanie - August 2022 Scholarship Essay

I've always struggled with communicating and leading. I have many ideas for leadership and helping others; however, I often hesitate due to fear. The possibility of rejection tends to hold me back from putting myself out there. This upcoming year an academic goal I have is to be a better leader. Doing so will also make me a superior communicator, listener, and student. I will be better able to connect with others, as well as address any problems that I need to solve.
It can be a real struggle to hold yourself back. That feeling of knowing you can do better but fearing what might happen. Not allowing myself to do the most all because I am scared of failing. I am a school leader. I actively lead a newspaper and must be a leader for the team; however, I have often shied away from the spotlight. Much of it may have to do with self-confidence or esteem, but I think that it can be overcome with practice. It has been hard to even visualize doing, yet I can feel myself growing more confident at the idea. I want to be the best leader I can be for my team and future self. It makes me upset when I do not lead to the fullest, especially out of fear. I feel like a complete failure. Of course, I know I am not, but that does not stop the feeling from showing up. On the other hand, during times when I have tried my best (yet still fallen short), I did not get that failing feeling. I struggled to feel good about myself, but at least I was proud to have tried my hardest. I have always found it ironic that I will encourage others to do their best and then hold back on my own.
Everyone has their days, and I will give myself those needed personal moments. I have become pretty good at telling when I am holding back unnecessarily and when I need to do so. Sometimes we all need to step back from situations to keep ourselves sane. That is not what I have been referring to; I want to overcome those moments where I told myself “I can’t” when I knew I could. I feel like those are the moments that aid in my progress to better myself–getting out of my comfort zone and letting my ideas free. It might make me highly uncomfortable, sometimes feeling like bugs crawling up my body, but I know the discomfort is worth it. I want to gain new experiences, skills, and relationships, many of which are only possible out of my zone. It is easier to say than to put it into practice–but I am ready.
Being my last opportunity to lead the school’s newspaper, I want it to be exceptional. I do not wish to have any regrets at the end of the year or feel like I could have done better. There were places I felt I could have improved last year, so this year I’m ready to put changes into action. I want to listen closer, communicate with more students, and use those skills to be a better student. My goal of becoming a better leader will come with practice, time, and experience. I know it will get easier the more I do it, but might take a while to come naturally. They say it takes, on average, 66 days for a new habit to become automatic–so perhaps I can beat that standard.
I am ready to be the best leader I can be. I want to lead myself to a better version of me and learn what authentic leadership can feel like. It will be challenging, but it is a goal I’m ready to achieve this year.