The Study of Wonder by Shian

The Study of Wonder by Shian - October 2022 Scholarship Essay

Growing up, I thought college and universities were magical, the buildings were castles in my eyes. I didn’t quite understand how they worked when I was younger, I thought there were only a few in the whole world! They were these gargantuan buildings spanning cities filled to the brim with every aspect of learning and studies, people from everywhere would pile into this center of knowledge. I kept this whimsy into middle school, when I had my first university field trip to U of O. Though it wasn’t quite how I imagined it as a child, it was just as magical, I was in awe the whole time. Bands were booming as we passed by, the buildings and sidewalks engraved with history, and sculptures of beauty and efficiency were strung in the vast halls.
I didn’t even have a clue what I wanted to do with my life! I just knew I wanted to be there, I wanted to learn, I wanted to be a part of this community that cherished knowledge as I did. It confused me to no end that kids didn’t have this same love for university, for colleges, to have another four years of classes! I wanted to share this fondness I grew to have. I knew it was going to be hard, I knew I was going to get overwhelmed and I would cry myself to sleep some nights, but I could only think of the eureka moments, the surprise and wonder of discoveries, and even the late night chats with friends and family about what I learned.
This was all shaken when I got to high school. Middle school paired with at home issues made me numb in a way, so college became a way out. A way to get away from home, a way to get away from family, and a way to fill time with something I adored. Things didn’t improve much by freshman year of high school, friends left me, the family still fought, medical issues persisted, and general stress took center stage. I found the classes easy, felt like the teachers practically held your hand through everything. That also changed as years went on, classes got harder, I was struggling more, I was crying and forgetting to eat or shower cause I was so stressed. And suddenly the thought of college was a prison. I would be stuck doing another four years of work. I would be stuck in debt. I wouldn’t have anyone. I would be alone.
It took time, but I recovered. I got help, I found supportive friends, and I talked with my family over the years. Things improved and I was able to find my spark again. I rekindled my love for school and learning. I want to be there for others. I want to share my experiences and my challenges to show those who are worried that things can work out. I want to be an example and a friend to those I meet. Education means freedom, it means passion, and it means to overcome and thrive.