I Am Victorious by Seriah

I Am Victorious by Seriah - May 2022 Scholarship Essay

I was 12 years old when my mother first referred to me as a “failure”. I remember hiding in my room and wiping away the tears that vigorously stained my cheeks. Remembering that crying was a sign of one’s own weakness...at least that's what my mother told me. ”You’re going to end up just like your biological mom, on the streets and addicted to drugs” Although what she said about my real mother was true, I knew I was never going to be HER. At this age I took everything my mother said to heart and no matter how hard I tried it wasn't good enough. I felt like a foreigner in my own home. Through years of emotional abuse I deemed only her words about me to be the truth. I hated the person I saw in the mirror and my self esteem plummeted to what seemed like the deepest depths of the ocean. Learning to love myself in my own skin and truly be happy again was one of the hardest things I had ultimately ever done.

During school, I struggled with my mental health and was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. Because I was new, I did not have many friends and the friends that I did have were not very supportive. I began skipping school and missing class. If I did things that would jeopardize my education I thought I’d be accepted by my peers. I began to care less about my academics and more about what others thought of me. Their grasp over my ego led me to make life changing decisions. I never thought that wanting to fit in would put me in so much trouble.

Later on the skipping increased while my grades dropped. I was failing more than 3 classes at the time. I can recount having a conversation about my absence with my teacher. “You have to remember that the only person capable of getting you back on track is yourself. Choose you.” These somber words from someone I loved lit a spark in my heart that had since been extinguished for years. My dad put two and two together and we had a long heartfelt conversation. I realized I had to WANT to better myself. It's easier to choose wrong, but I knew I was not one of the weak and that I had the strength to persevere through the terrain of my own demons. Understanding that my mental and physical well being came first over social life and everything else was the first step I took towards the right direction.

Even though I had undergone traumatic experiences, I would not be the person I am today without going through what I did. Regardless of whether or not these experiences were good or bad, they shaped me to become a well rounded and thoughtful human being. I am PROUD of myself for having the courage to push through these challenges, and although they were never easy I always raced past the finish line with flying colors.

Most of the time, you will find me talking about the “positive” side of my life. I view my past with a heavy heart but do not allow it to consume me. Through my struggles, I have lifted others up who were seemingly in the same situation as I. Seeing the growth of a human who you care about is one of the best feelings in the world. There is a gift that I receive from being supportive of the humans around me, and this is willpower...the motivation to keep on living. Living another day to watch the sunset in the skies of the PNW, tell my father I love him, and to spend quality time with the humans I love. When I see others flourish around me, I flourish too. I guess you could say I feel just a bit victorious.