The Red Lines by Sara

The Red Lines by Sara - August 2014 Scholarship Essay

With my heart pounding and pumping blood through my arteries at what felt like an alarming rate, Mrs. Dutra called me up to her computer desk to receive my grade on the previous unit’s test. I walked over to her desk with a solemn expression. As soon as I saw the line of red marks down the side of the paper, I knew that I had failed yet another test in AP Chemistry. By the end of the school year I could probably have counted the number of test I passed—not gotten As or Bs on, but passed with a 70 or better—on my fingers.

My problem was that I had never been faced with a class that was a challenge. School had always been easy for me. I never had to study. I never had to go in early or stay after and ask the teacher questions. I always just sat in class, paid half attention to the lecture, and passed with an A. AP Chemistry was different.

After not passing several tests, I realized I needed to change my tactics. One morning I got to school early and walked down to her classroom. I knocked hesitantly on the door and entered. It took massive amounts of courage to tell her that I did not understand parts of the lesson and needed help. I had never needed help with my academics before, and I felt like asking for help made me weak. But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into marking periods, asking for help became easier.

My grades improved slightly, but I still was only passing every third test. I started making flashcards and hanging them up in my room. I would read over them before I went to bed and quiz myself. I would hang key concepts on the back of the bathroom door and study them while I blow-dried my hair in the morning. For the longest time, having to apply myself and actually study made me feel less academically superior. I kept at it though, at the time accepting that maybe I just was not as smart as I thought I was.

By the end of AP Chemistry, my grade was improving. Along with my grade, my idea of what defined weakness and smart had changed. Asking for help was not weak. It made me stronger. I not only began to understand concepts better, but I also was able to form a close relationship with Mrs. Dutra.

Additionally, needing to study did not diminish my academic abilities. It helped me academically instead of hurt me. With my new definitions of weakness and smart, I was able to bounce back from failure that demoralized others in the class. I figured out how I could handle failure without mentally beating myself up over it like I did before. Because of my failures in AP Chemistry, I am a stronger person that is now capable of asking for help when I need it and admitting that I study without the misconception that people who study are not as smart as those who do not need to study. Failure is something everyone has to learn how to deal with, and the only way to figure out how you deal with failure is to experience it over and over again until you find out how you handle it best.