How I Found The Words by Sara

How I Found The Words by Sara - July 2016 Scholarship Essay

I remember feeling voiceless and scared when I was younger. Living in my shoes you probably would have too. I was in a family full of turmoil from the day I was born, and I was too afraid to speak up. In third grade I entered a poetry contest, and the theme was “How could something so beautiful…” I ended up writing about Hurricane Katrina and Mother Nature, and I took home first place. From then on writing became my voice.
As life went on it definitely knocked me down a few times. By the time I got into middle school I was overweight and very unpopular so I just wrote. It was like an imaginary world I could retreat into. Sara did not exist in my stories and poems and life was a lot easier that way. In eighth grade though everything seemed to change. My English teacher that year in some ways sparked a fire in me that changed my life forever. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD. That to a 14 year old pretty much means, “you are crazy and you have to keep that secret because no one will like you.” Honestly at this point I was ready to fall off the face of the earth at any point in time, but my English teacher was not having it.
Ms. Shultz was everyone’s favorite teacher even if you had never even taken her class. Everybody knew who she was and she called us all her “babies.” She was not only our teacher but an ally. Kids at that awkward age honestly need an ally because, well, middle school is absolutely horrendous. The day I went in to the psychiatrist for the first time she gave me her favorite stress ball and a packet of Oreos. She hugged me and told me that no matter what is going on up here, and pointed to my head, it does not change what is here, and she pointed to my heart.
One day Ms. Shultz gave us an assignment, and it was to buy a journal and write about our lives and we could say anything. When she said anything she meant, anything. I bought a notebook at the dollar store that night and wrote until the minute it was due. A few days later Ms. Shultz called me into her room and took me in her arms and began to sob. She told me that she wanted to help me and she wanted to be there when I came forward and talked to my parents. I sat in her room and cried with her and told her how scared and alone I felt. She said some words to me that forever changed my perspective on life even though they were simple words. Ms. Shultz looked me in the eyes and said, “Sara you are worth it, you are loved, and your voice is just as important as anyone else’s. The way you wrote is not a way an everyday 14 year old writes and please do this for me, never stop writing.” In that moment someone older than me told me that it was okay to have a voice. Her love for her students and her passion to teach taught me literally and figuratively how to find the words. I still keep in touch with her and she is completely updated on my life, but I miss her so much. I was able to speak up and tell someone that I needed help and it also made me confident to pursue my writing career. My life is forever changed and it is all thanks to 180 days in a classroom and the influence of one teacher.