Creating resiliency by Rosemary

Creating resiliency by Rosemary - May 2022 Scholarship Essay

I grew up facing a lot of hardships; my family and I lived in a garage filled with rodents, no heat, and no running water. My mom lived as a stereotypical Mexican woman; she stayed home to cook and clean. She was also in an abusive relationship with my stepdad, and when fights began, my mom was quick to take us out of the environment. I vividly remember standing outside in the cold with my mom and siblings in black trash bags. They would reconcile, continuing the cycle began all over again until we moved to New Mexico. My mom had three kids, my stepdad had five kids, and they had three kids together. That made a total of 11 kids in the household. I was †he quiet one, the unseen one, the one that didn't cause trouble and just did what was told. When I got older, I knew that I needed to be educated to do more, but I never saw beyond that. My mom felt like she couldn't leave because she didn't have support or money to do better.

During my undergrad, I had a daughter, which paused my goal of furthering my education. My current relationship has pushed me out of my comfort zone and has challenged me to change. My partner is outgoing and social, and I am the complete opposite. I like to stay in my comfort zone and contempt my life. She is a striver and wants to aim for more and more, and sometimes I feel like she will never be happy or find happiness because of that drive. When we would argue, I would get scared of not having peace that I created this big scenario in my head that I wasn't good enough. I wanted the peace I didn't get as a child, but I also wanted to agree with whatever my partner wanted. I wanted to give myself up for my partner. When we would argue, I would feel threatened and leave our home or distance myself. This caused me to push my partner away. My childhood has influenced my life.
As you can see, I became like my mom and continued the generational cycle; I leave when things get complicated. I have a hard time with being seen and recognized. I'm not too fond of confrontation and don't like to sit in the uncomfortableness of things.

With all this history comes tremendous change. I have done the mental work to understand why I am the way I am. I know that trauma has affected my life, but I choose to overcome the trauma and do better for myself and my daughter. At times I catch myself regressing and try to determine the other path. I have done and am doing the work my parents did not choose to do. I am doing this to break the cycle. I wish that my mom had the resources available to break the cycle sooner. I am a Mexican, Female in a same sex relationship who grew up in poverty. The odds were never in my favor, but I chose to get up and make a change and continue to do so for the marginalized communities I work for.

In conclusion, My life experiences, relationships, and work experiences have influenced were i am today. I belong to several marginalized communities and have worked for marginalized communities. I have to see what it is like to need help and offer help to others.