The Singer Who Does Not Sing by Riley

The Singer Who Does Not Sing by Riley - June 2017 Scholarship Essay

As a small minded and bodied six year old, the only thing I wanted was to be rich and popular. Oh, and known for my voice. I loved to sing. The times I didn't sing in the shower, my parents fought about who ruined my day. If I wasn't singing there was something wrong and it was somebody's fault. That was the mindset in my house. I pretended I was a star. The world was my stage. I loved performing for my family, but as I grew, so did my insecurities.
I realized I was not a superstar in second grade. At that point in my childhood things in my life drastically changed. People close to me were arrested and things were changing. My home moved three times in a period of four years. My parents had other worries than me not singing in the shower. Eventually I just stopped. Nobody asks me why I don't sing in the shower anymore. I feel like nobody wants to hear me perform so I keep to myself and I keep quiet. I don't perform anymore.
In sixth grade I joined choir, I felt insignificant in a room of angelic voices. I moved to middle school, and I stayed in choir. I eventually was gifted a solo in the song Danny Boy. My line was "Oh Danny boy, Oh Danny boy, I love you so,"and when I remember it in my head it plays with the instruments of the moment. When I was given my solo, I was also given stage fright. Something I had never experienced. I was frightened, and when I performed my face turned a bright red and my lungs stopped working as they should. That was my last year in choir.
I have been asked why I am no longer in choir, or why I have not performed when opportunities arose, and I have always had an excuse. I am afraid I will not be accepted for me, that I am not good enough to perform for others. I no longer sing in public or around people. I sing in my room alone, or on car rides during summer nights. That is now the only time I sing.