When the Blues Turn to Light by Rayna

When the Blues Turn to Light by Rayna - February 2024 Scholarship Essay

For most of my adolescence, I have been all too familiar with self-doubt, fear, and imposter syndrome. These parasites lived with me; I wore them every day like they were my skin, and as a result, negative thinking and feelings of inadequacy became home for me. These feelings seemed to only worsen after the devastating passing of my grandmother in 2019, leaving me overwhelmed by confusion, frustration, grief, and sadness that settled inside of me. I lost interest in my academic studies. I felt best when I was alone and isolated from others, and my mental and emotional health plummeted. When the world paused in 2020, I knew that God was intervening in my life, and this intervention quite literally saved my life. He showed me that it was time to get up and fight for my life and find the light in life again, just as my grandmother would’ve wanted. I reflected on the things that once brought me joy and remembered that dance and movement had always served as a light in my life before my grandmother passed. Somehow, the art form that had generated much of my feelings of inadequacy during my adolescence was the art form that saved my life, and suddenly, my blues began to form into light.

Rather than utilizing dance as a means of competition, I utilized dance as a healing practice and form of expression to experience joy again, as I once did as a little girl. This period taught me how movement, journaling, and prayer could become my remedy for life's joy. I realized that I had felt comfortable being afraid, worried, and insecure about myself every minute of my day until those minutes transferred into hours and eventually turned into years. I learned to give life another chance by utilizing creative expression such as dance as a function of healing. Every morning, I am given a chance to resort to my old ways of thinking, believing in the negative self-talk and self-doubt that constantly swirled in my mind or choosing to have faith in the life ahead of me. Somewhere, another person is fighting to stand up again, breathe, and find a piece of life's light. Because I can stand again, I am devoted to helping others give life a second chance through dance/movement therapy, storytelling, and other forms of creative expression in spaces uniquely designed for them.

Dance can be used not only to promote our physical, social, emotional, and mental health but also as a function of healing. Through dance/movement therapy, we can cultivate our own stories and take ownership of our identities through movement. This further improves our self-esteem, body image, and perception of self. We also gather increased social skills by sharing spaces and collaborating with others through dance and movement. I have found myself called to this profession not only because of my love for dance and dance education but because of the excitement, joy, and confidence I’ve seen in the faces of children who resemble me when experiencing the gift of dance and movement. I aim to serve as a dance/movement therapist and licensed counselor to provide mental health services throughout Philadelphia communities and ensure that young children can receive dance/movement therapy as an accessible health resource.

If selected to receive this scholarship, it will support my studies that aim to examine how dance/movement therapy serves as a mental health treatment for Black adolescents who have experienced trauma or adverse childhood experiences. Too often, Black children and teens are unheard and ignored within educational settings, not receiving adequate counsel they may need to perform and feel better in school, becoming more vulnerable to the school-to-prison pipeline. Dance can provide adolescents with a healthy and practical outlet when faced with heavy circumstances in and out of school. When dance programs are incorporated into schools, they have been shown to improve self-esteem, self-awareness, and communication, and decrease stress or other traumatic symptoms. As a Black dance/movement therapist, I want to ensure that Black adolescents can receive the care they need to feel well about themselves and achieve success in any room they enter. Through this journey, I strive to instill wellness within Black communities, advocating for our mental health and well-being. As a prospective graduate student, I aspire to become a licensed psychotherapist and dance/ movement therapist, supporting and uplifting our voices so that we too, can have a prosperous future.