When Blue Turns to Light by Rayna

When Blue Turns to Light by Rayna - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

A form of counseling that became my source of healing was dance and movement, specifically after the devastating passing of my grandmother during my freshman year of college, leaving me filled with confusion, anger, and sadness toward myself, my family, and the world. After her death, I struggled showing up for myself inside classrooms and dance auditions. Eventually, I became all too familiar with self-doubt and imposter syndrome. These parasites lived with me, and I wore them every day like they were my skin. As a result, negative thinking and feelings of inadequacy became home for me. It was within this moment, that I had finally failed myself. I had felt knocked down by my circumstances and did not plan on getting up any time soon. When the world paused in 2020, I decided it was time to get up and find the light in life again. I utilized dance as a healing practice to experience life as I once did as a little girl. This period taught me how movement, journaling, and prayer could be my remedy for life's joy. I had felt comfortable being afraid and constantly worried about the next minute of my day until those minutes transferred into hours and eventually turned into years. I learned to give life another chance through my therapist's guidance and personal remedies. Every morning, I have the option to resort to my old ways of thinking, or to be a different version of myself that I never imagined I could be. Somewhere, another person is fighting to stand up again, and I am devoted to helping them along their journey as a licensed therapist within the mental health field. Through this process, we can slowly pick up the broken pieces of our lives and put them back together to create our wholeness in life. I aspire to be a psychotherapist and dance movement therapist who allows others to show up in their skin without judgment or fear, and together, work to find the joy in their life again. While attempting to navigate my grief, movement slowly began to put the broken pieces of my life back together. By allowing myself to dance what I could not verbalize, I found how dance permits us to express the emotions that bubble inside our chest and spirit. Three years later, I have found harmony in knowing my grandmother lives inside of me, and I have chosen dance as my tool for honoring and remembering her life.

From my perspective, which is rooted in my encounters with failure and rejection, paired with the realities of being a Black woman, the science of counseling is mending the broken pieces of ourselves through the support of a professional counselor or activity that serves as a form of healing. I aspire to be a psychotherapist who allows others to be unique without judgment or fear. I aim to reach this milestone by receiving my Master's degree in counseling at the graduate level. Through counseling, we can slowly pick up the broken pieces of our lives and put them back together to create our whole again. Different forms of counseling, such as art, music, creative writing, or dance, can also aid in softening the soul of an individual. Access to counseling and therapy services is critical for the development and growth of our youth. Their well-being must be nurtured and cared for, protected, and uplifted by counselors. Having these resources at an affordable and reasonable cost can completely change the course and trajectory of one's life in a positive light. This scholarship will contribute to my graduate studies and my work in the mental health field that is devoted toward Black and brown communities.