Breaking the Silence by Olivia

Breaking the Silence by Olivia - December 2024 Scholarship Essay

Sweating and silenced in my seat, I listened while all the other students, who I had never been in class with before, began rattling on about topics and ideas I hadn’t even heard of, let alone fathomed engaging in conversations about. At a highly competitive academic school, it can be easy to feel as if you are falling behind everyone else. As soon as I entered my World History Class Sophomore year, I felt immediately separated; all the students were the “smart ones;” I felt out of place as they all talked amongst themselves. This class was notoriously hard at Cannon, and it did not help that I felt I was surrounded by students leagues above my own level. I lacked confidence, especially in my academics, a fear that had plagued my academic experiences and challenged me for years. This class had brought this fear to a whole other level, one that I was convinced I would never be able to get over. In my mind, my classmates would think whatever I had to say was worthless or stupid.

Class discussions began, and I felt intimidated to share my thoughts because I feared judgment from others. I was impressed by my classmates' conversations and began forming my own ideas about specific topics. One thing was for certain: I would keep these thoughts to myself. Every time I even dared to test my anxiety, having my thoughts on the tip of my tongue, practically ready to spill out into the class, nerves would scramble my ideas: What if they think my idea is dumb? Or what if they think that I don’t understand the topic? How do they know all of this–if I tried to say anything, I would just sound uneducated. I watched the clock on the wall keep ticking while I remained silent.

After weeks of dreading class–walking in and out of my over an hour-long period without even saying a word–I finally decided to do something. One day, there was a topic I found particularly interesting, and I chose to engage in discussions and share my perspectives with the class. Terrified, shaking, and voice trembling, I finally let out an “I believe that…” and after those words, everything in that class and my academic experiences outside of it changed. I was shocked by the appreciation from my classmates for simply speaking up. I came into class every day ready to engage and chat with others about my ideas from then on. Following this experience, I decided not to let my fear stop me from sharing, as conversations containing different perspectives benefit us all.