Education Kept Me Alive by Olivia

Education Kept Me Alive by Olivia - October 2022 Scholarship Essay

On June 9th of 2022, the doctor looked me dead in the eye and asked “What can you think about that you want to keep yourself alive for?”, as we sat there and created a safety plan. I ended up being transported by ambulance to the state children’s hospital due to severe depression. I was so focused on other people and gave my everything to them that I did not ever prioritize my feelings.“Fixing” all these people led me to the lowest point I had ever been, to where day to day what I was worried about was not losing another friend or making it through the day without leaving class to have an anxiety attack.
I have always believed that being well-rounded and goal-oriented was the key to success. I wanted to get involved in everything I could to make a difference and have a great future. School and my leadership positions have always been my priorities, I take so much pride in both and continue to devote my time and energy to them. When I was younger and things were not so good at home, I had school to escape to. Achievement has always been a way for me to show the skills that I have and push myself for greatness. Everyone has their “spark” and place they light up and mine is at school.
Towards the end of my sophomore year, a not so great quality of mine emerged: fixing people. This quality turned negative as it interfered with my commitment to achievement. I wanted to help anyone who I thought had been given less opportunities. I wanted to help push them to be great, happy and most importantly, have a future. I was in a relationship with a boy who grew up with a messy family. He has no motivation, no push for a future like mine and I tried everything I could to convince him.
I lost complete interest in everything that lit my own “spark”. I was not being a good leader, my grades were suffering, I hated being somewhere that used to bring me so much joy. When I sat there that night after trying to end my life, I answered the doctor. “My future.” That is what I wanted to live for. At the young age of eight for parent-teacher conferences, me and my peers created “All About Me” posters. Ever since that day when I filled “Loyer” (Lawyer) in the future career box, I have had a goal to steer towards.
I started to go to therapy for my anxiety and learned how to cope with all of the issues surrounding me. School became my happy place again and I remembered the future was the most important thing to me.
I want to continue to work for my dreams. I believe that they are not impossible. No matter how hard law school seems, I still want to make that my ultimate goal. I want to look back and say “I can not believe I did that.” I want all the sacrifice and the missed high school parties to all be worth it.
Sitting in that hospital bed because of my overworking for others, I realized that it may not seem worth it now but all the hard work will pay off. I want to continue to work for a better future for the entire rest of my life. I want to take that “fixing” quality and turn it into something positive. In my career as a lawyer or a police officer I will use “fixing” to help people have the best life possible with justice deserved.