Expression Instead of Impression by Nyla

Expression Instead of Impression by Nyla - March 2023 Scholarship Essay

Before my sophomore Pre-AP English class, I hated English. The teachers were hard to please and looking for something specific: a thesis formatted in the template they provided and eight-sentence paragraphs with evidence and commentary to match. To get an A, I believed I had to constrain my thought into these eight-part paragraphs, leaving my written works empty and disconnected from reality; the words of my essays had no significance outside the classroom.

My sophomore Pre-AP English teacher Shawn (Coach) Regan has made a significant impact on my education –and ultimately my life– because he taught me how to think instead of what to think. The dominating pressure to impress others had been engraved in my mind in the early years of middle school. Impressing others has its benefits-- good grades, happy parents, praise from teachers-- for a lack of better words, humans like to be liked. However, when entering high school, impressing others became obligatory. I believed that getting into college, and ultimately living a purposeful life, was solely dependent on my ability to impress others. This mindset did not change until my sophomore year in my Pre-AP English class. When discussing the next essay we would write, Coach Regan said, ”Don’t write what you think I want you to write, write what you want to write.” This was the first time that I wasn’t handed a template or example to follow before writing an essay. I followed his advice and found that focusing on expressing my ideas instead of focusing on impressing my teacher produced an essay that not only received a better grade but was one that I was genuinely proud of. I applied this recommendation to other parts of my academics as well: in several classes, I began to vocalize my knowledge confidently in discussions even if I was not sure I was correct. The confidence I gained from this simple yet pithy idea improved my motivation in academics and consequently, my grades as well.

Coach Regan was the first teacher that I had who gave his students flexibility on when to turn their work in and what to write in essays. His class required self-accountability while also allowing me to explore my own ideas, as well as the ideas of my peers, instead of what the curriculum requires for 10th-grade English. Lectures were never lectures; they were discussions where everyone’s thoughts mattered and built on one another, creating complexity in seemingly simple ideas to comprehend such as cultural stereotypes, toxic masculinity (misogynistic societal norms), and discrimination. He also taught me a love for literature and looking for deeper meaning in everything: after his class, I began to analyze every book I read, and therefore “absorb the ideas” that are written (Mortimer J. Alder, How to Mark a Book). Absorbing ideas from literature helped me to deepen and solidify my moral philosophies, giving me a deeper understanding of myself and my tendencies.

Coach Regan’s concept of expressing yourself rather than impressing others has given me more trust in my own identity in a society where I was once hesitant to be myself. In his discussions, I realized my thoughts and ideas were just as important as any one of my peers and that they deserved to be heard, and the only barrier to my voice was myself. From him, I learned that I do not have to force myself to fit the labels that society has made for me, but I also do not have to reject them totally. I can be proud to be a young biracial woman, but that does not mean I must embody the stereotypes that corrupt my labels. I don’t have to “talk black” to reaffirm my blackness. I don’t have to be submissive to be a woman. I can be my most genuine self and still be proud of my physical, public self. My self-concept clarity has increased as a result of this newfound acceptance: I have more self-esteem, I have more self-awareness, and I have more confidence in my thoughts. Open expression of values has helped me find identity within my own values and thoughts. Instead of appealing to others' expectations of me, I began to show my full personality and values, and I was no longer afraid: of judgment, of embarrassment, of not being accepted. I was free of restriction and obligatory compliance, all because I was told that I didn’t have to impress anyone