Looking Back by Natalie

Looking Back by Natalie - April 2021 Scholarship Essay

When I look back at myself 5 years ago, a lot of thoughts come to my mind. 2016 seemed like any average year, but after taking the time to visualize myself back in those shoes, mentally and emotionally, I realized that there were a lot of things going on in the head of that twelve year old girl. She was young and still trying to figure out the world around her, while also discovering new things about herself and experiencing major changes.

Five years ago I was just gearing up for the iconic “teenage years.” It was honestly such a weird time in my life! I was trying to handle middle school, piano practices, a busy dance schedule, and church responsibilities, which now seems like a lot for someone who didn’t really know how life worked yet. I also now see that, on top of all that, five years ago I had little to no confidence. Old dance videos from my recitals prove that in times where I could have really been myself and let my light shine through, I kept my head down because I felt out of place, even awkward, in some situations. In school pictures, I felt weird because I had braces and didn’t like the way I smiled. At church, I was constantly nervous because I was entering a new program made for “older girls” and I was scared I wouldn’t fit in. Looking back, had I taken each new opportunity with confidence and my head held high, I could have enjoyed those moments more and taken advantage of so many more opportunities.

Not being comfortable in my body, because I couldn't accept myself for what I was becoming and embrace the journey, meant it took me a longer time to see and understand my true potential. I spent many years doubting myself and using my energy to focus on insecurities instead of trusting the process and living in the moment. Only now, five years later, do I understand the meaning of self-love and have started feeling truly content with myself. I can spend my days focusing on the relationships and friendships I’ve built and I feel more comfortable reaching out to the people around me instead of being consumed with my own insecurities. Self-love is, in a nutshell, the freedom to be completely and unapologetically yourself! So, if I was able to give my twelve year old self a piece of advice, I’d say this. Trust who you are and who you’re becoming. Be confident in yourself and trust the process. Remember to embrace each moment of the journey. Above all, own who you are and don’t apologize for being who you are meant to be.