Where does it all go? by Mikayla

Where does it all go? by Mikayla - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

Growing up, we always couldn’t wait to be older. We were so eager to be more grown than we were. I always wanted to be older than I was. At seven years old, I wanted to be eight, nine, and then ten so I would finally hit double digits. Then being ten, I wanted to be thirteen because we would be considered teenagers. After every year of my life, I yearned to be older because maybe I would be seen as mature. Now being seventeen, I realize I wasted too much of my childhood dreaming of being able to know what goes on in the world.
Being one of four children in my family, I am the oldest. As the eldest sister of my siblings, I felt the need to take on more responsibilities than I doubtlessly should have at such a young age. I made sure they knew they could count on and depend on me for the tasks my parents had to do but weren’t there to do them. I needed to be the one they looked up to. My parents are present, but it’s hard for them mostly because of work. My mother works nine to five, five days a week, nonetheless I know that if she were able to be there, she would be. My biological father isn’t in the picture, and my stepfather is on the older side so he’s at the point where he has given up on parenting, so that leaves me. I am glad I am the one my siblings can look up to, however, it’s grown exhausting.
Do I hate being the one my siblings look up to and can count on? Absolutely not. I don’t have very many regrets in life but if I were to say my biggest one, it would be that I desired time to pass by faster. I wasted my precious childhood waiting for the day to come when I would be older. I wish I was able to go back to being eight years old and not having a worry in the world. Only wondering if my neighbors would be able to go outside and play in front of our houses until the street lights came on. Playing for hours in the heat, in the autumn, and even in the winter. Riding bikes, skateboards, rollerblades, and even those funky ripsticks. Finding ourselves covered in road burns and scrapes on our knees from falling off our bikes with the little baskets on the front of them. Playing hide and seek, tag, and hopscotch. Finding ourselves with chalk on our hands and under our fingernails. When we came home for dinner, we had that little kid sweaty smell. Those nights are the memories I have of those years. As we got older though, those playful nights slowly came to an end. We were starting to grow up and our schedules became busier.
With there being so much going on in not only the world but also life as we become older, it gets complicated. Responsibilities and tasks get piled on top of each other and the amount of time we have becomes less and less. Growing up has not only taught me about responsibilities, but it has taught me that I need to manage and balance everything I have going on, which is a lot. I catch myself longing for more time in the day and for more free time. I become stressed and overwhelmed so easily. I wish there was a way to go back to being a kid and having no worries.
I am almost legally an adult, and I’ll be honest, I am absolutely terrified. The time is here, I am now a senior in high school and I have to get the rest of my life figured out. Everyone tells us how fast high school goes by, but everyone nor I ever believed them. I was robbed of my first two years of high school and my third was the first “normal” year. It all flew by so fast, too fast even. Time is very precious. I never take the time to live in the moment until I realize it’s over and all I have left are memories. I would give up almost everything I have to go back to being a kid again. So if I were to tell my younger self anything, it would be to cherish every moment of every second of every day.