My New Normal by Melina

My New Normal by Melina - May 2022 Scholarship Essay

“Melina, I need you to put on your shoes and start grabbing pictures off the wall.”

This was how my dad woke me up on October 8th, 2017 at 2 am. I couldn’t register what he said over the howling wind beating against my window. As I walked out to my driveway, I noticed ash falling from the orange-tinted night sky. There was a fire coming and we needed to evacuate immediately.

My dad stayed behind to hose down our home, salvage whatever he could, and even jump into our elderly neighbor’s backyard to wake them up-- all before finally leaving once the flames overtook our neighbor’s house and reached our fence. By daybreak, the California Tubbs Wildfire wiped out all except three houses in my neighborhood. Ours was one of the lucky three and my dad was the one to thank for it.

On July 29, 2018, the morning after our first night back home after the fires, my dad was rushed to the emergency room. We would soon discover he had developed stage 4 bile duct cancer. The cancer took over his body and on January 15, 2019, I lost my biggest support system.

That entire year was spent trying to keep my head above water as I attempted to navigate a sea of grief, anxiety, and exhaustion. I used the little energy I had to merely show up, to put on a brave face and survive my classes, there was none left to actually learn. My grades plummeted as a result. It felt like everything that I was working so hard towards was now forever out of my reach without my dad by my side to guide me.

But even through the emptiness I was feeling, I learned to keep pushing forward against the forceful current that is cancer and its irreversible outcomes-- much like how my dad showed immense bravery by sending our family away and continuing to push forward as much as he could before flames came knocking at our doorstep. I’ll never fully overcome these challenges, because they've left wounds too deep to heal without scarring. Instead, I wear these scars with pride, because through my pain, I’ve forged resilience that I’m extremely proud of. Using this newfound skill, I have learned to fight on in small ways that eventually amount to big change. My strength has pushed me from nearly failing grades, to straight A’s, and now to a college education.

I might have lost my dad to cancer at the beginning of high school, but the courage and drive he’s demonstrated to me lives on through my resilience. It’s always been my dream to go and succeed in college for my own benefit. That much has never changed. What has been altered due to my new normal without my greatest role model and thanks to cancer, is that now I have even more hunger to come out on top and honor my dad and all that he’s done to get me to this point.