Speak Up: More Than a Dress by Megan

Speak Up: More Than a Dress by Megan - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

With sweaty palms, a nervous voice, and an unimaginable sense of dread, I stood in front of two people. Even though it was only two adults, I stammered. I croaked. I couldn’t get a word out with fear filling my lungs. Then, at seven years old, I started crying because I simply couldn’t remember my lines. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it. After a few minutes, the judges tried to assure younger me that there was no need to worry, that I would be okay, and that they loved the color of my dress.

Fast forward to 10th grade English class, we were learning Macbeth. The assignment was as follows: read a portion of Macbeth’s most famous speech out loud to the class. With tired eyes, I was ready. I felt ready, until the teacher asked me to stand up. Something clicked in my head with those words, as I felt the world cave on me. Once again, I was in front of those two judges, standing short at seven years old, and simply couldn’t get a word out. The class told me they liked the color of my dress afterwards.

There have been many instances of this within my life. Especially within the past, I could explain exactly how it feels to have your world cave in with a simple task. You question yourself, and you wonder whether or not you were simply built wrong. You can’t stop the sweaty palms, nervous voice, and unimaginable sense of dread that flows through your brain. You also can’t call it drowning, as drowning would imply swimming. You can’t swim. You just sink.

One year ago, I started talking about these problems I had and things, unexpectedly, got better. I still felt, and feel, nervous when talking. I often question if my words are worth existing or if I should try at all. Although, at least there was one person who seemed to believe the opposite. There was someone who would listen to me, and I slowly started realizing that maybe my voice wasn’t so bad.

On April 20th, 2022, I stood in front of two judges to compete in a speech contest. My palms sweat, my voice was unsure, and I felt the overwhelming pressure to commit to what I was doing. Then, after a long seven minutes and twenty-eight seconds, I finished my speech. They asked me questions, and I answered them. They thanked me, and I left the room. They didn’t even need to complement the color of my dress. Instead of focusing on the one positive thing in the room, the positive thing was me speaking. I had never felt that before.

Since then, I've gone on to lead public discussions. By being the president of multiple organizations within my school, my duties require me to do so. Teachers tell me I do wonderfully, and I let myself believe them. With a 4.2 GPA, multiple extracurriculars, and a determination to get into my dream college, you'd think my most important achievement is within academics. It's the opposite. My most important achievement is that one day, I decided to speak up.

If I had to give advice to my past self, it would be to speak up sooner. Not only did speaking up about my problems provide me a solution, but it lead me to conquer a fear that tortured me when I was younger. I believe that everyone deserves to feel relief, and I wish I could provide my past self with that. Though, I use my writing as a form to cope with this idea. By majoring in public relations or communications, I hope to actually pass on my advice to those younger than me. People deserve to be seen as more than just the color of a dress.