My Biggest Academic Failure by Maya

My Biggest Academic Failure by Maya - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

Throughout my childhood, I had always been someone who received the highest marks on my work. Since I was frequently called a “gifted” kid, that label only enforced the idea in my head that I was a bright, talented student naturally. Up until high school, school was relatively easy for me. I did not have to study much to earn A’s, and unsurprisingly, I thrived off of academic validation. The satisfaction and pride I’d get from my GPA being above the 4.0 scale made me feel better about myself. My parents did not pressure me to have good grades– it was expected. Being someone who always pushes myself to the limits, I chose to take as many honors and AP classes as I could when I first entered high school. This was the first time I felt as though I was actually taking classes that challenged me– and I loved it. I was happy to be mentally stimulated and I felt as though I was earning the grades I received. However, in my sophomore year, I took an AP Computer Science class and almost failed it. I consider this to be the biggest failure in my academic career.

I was in utter dismay the first time I received an F on one of my first tests in the class. At first, I was in denial. I had experience coding before the class, as I had taken a basic coding class the year prior. It was out of the ordinary for me to get a grade lower than a B. I refused to let this happen again, so I set up a time for me to talk to my teacher about the test and what I did wrong. We met, worked through my mistakes, and I went on with my life. That is, until it happened again. This time, I began to panic. I felt my heart sink as I received the notification of my grade falling from my grade portal app. Since this was not a class with a lot of homework grades, the grade heavily relied on tests and other assessments. At this point, my grade had tanked even lower than it already was. My attempt to fix my grade became a cycle of receiving help and trying my hardest, but still not seeing the results of my efforts. As a result, the class turned into a dreadful struggle for me. I lacked the motivation to even try to fix my grade, and in turn, my unmotivated behavior worsened from the loop of seeing my grade drop further. Because I knew a D+ in my transcript would stick out like a sore thumb, it was clearly no longer providing me the academic validation I craved. Consequently, my confidence in my ability to “be smart” started to slip. Being one of the few girls in my small class, and the only girl who seemed to struggle with concepts that others grasped easily, I felt as though I was unworthy to be in a field that was typically dominated by men.

Eventually, my teacher took notice of how I took every bad grade like a shot to my ego. One day during class, she gave a speech that changed my outlook. She paused the lesson to tell us, “Some of you may feel like you don’t belong here because others are at a different level. This is called imposter syndrome. However, you are not alone, and your progress is not something that should be compared with others.” I remember feeling slightly embarrassed because I knew she was directing her speech to me. However, what was more important was that I realized I had given up too early because I felt like I didn’t belong in her class. It was at that moment that I decided to rid myself of the pressure of my parents’ expectations and my own self-demeaning attitude. As soon as I detached my self-worth from my low grade, I was ready to take accountability for why I had such a low grade. I met with my teacher and we worked through a plan to lift up my grade. Through this process, she was a great mentor and admired my willingness to salvage my grade. To my surprise, I ended up passing. It was great to have a success story with that class. But the bigger takeaway from that experience is that I now do not let my grades define who I am or how smart I am. I know that I am intelligent and capable no matter what my scores say. One of my main values to live by is that I am allowed to fail, because that is how I will grow the most. My biggest academic failure taught me a valuable lesson: never let imposter syndrome kill my passion to try.