What my Mother Taught Me by Mattie

What my Mother Taught Me by Mattie - July 2017 Scholarship Essay

A chance to speak at a Ted Talk convention would give me a chance to share lessons that are hard to learn. My mother was sick. I had to learn to do some things on my own. Each experience provided me with lessons that helped me to see the world in a different way. These lessons were terrifying and beautiful at the same time. Everyone has their own experiences in life but I want to share my own experiences so that I can give someone a chance to learn something on their own. I learned about geniality. I learned that sometimes our own versions of empathy can hurt us and confuse us if we are not careful. I learned how confusing unconditional love is. The hardest lesson that I had to learn was when my mother passed away: grief.


Around the time I was eight, my mother's health got worse and I had to learn how to do some things for myself. Luckily, she and my aunt started teaching me how to cook. Sometimes when my mom wasn't feeling well and I had homework we would go to her friend's house for dinner. It was mostly here that I met people that would talk to my mom. My mother was nice to everyone. Over time I realized that not all of these people appreciated her. I started to notice that some of these people were stealing things when they came over. I acted out so that people would not want to come around. My mom thought that these people were just coincidences. She was still too nice for her own good and tried to see the good in everyone else. She did run into some genuinely nice people at times. I learned to look for signs that something was wrong if I was not sure. Kindness is not a bad thing but it should be used with caution.

I thought that love was pure. When I was a kid, I thought that every time I got mad at my mother it felt like I hated her. I hated what she put me through but I didn't hate her. I acted out because none of my friends had sick parents. With counseling, I worked to change my attitude. I mostly associated with adults who took care of the sick. I learned that it is normal to feel like I sometimes couldn't take it and that it was normal to feel like I wanted to run away. I mentioned this to my aunt. She told me that when you love someone, you would do anything for them. Even though things will be hard, the fact that you would do anything to help that person shows that you truly love them. You are a part of them. Unconditional love is when you think that you can't take it anymore but then you think to yourself that you would not have it any other way. When we have given as much love as we can grief has a way of making us love even more.

I have learned, of course, that life is fragile. The past seems like a dream and every memory that I think of is accompanied by a voice that counts down the days until April 12th. This thought serves some context of how fragile life is. Our brains become fragmented in memories. As the reality of loss sets in, our brains try to piece together what is happening. Stress causes the excretion of chemicals from our hypothalamus, one of them being cortisol. During prolonged cortisol exposure, like when we grieve, we experience intense emotions. M. Katherine Shear, MD, professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and director of the Center for Complicated Grief says that grief can change our minds and health in two ways: "one, a major stressor; and two, loss of a close relationship,” “Close relationships help regulate our daily psychological and physical functioning,” “Their loss...typically leaves people feeling out of control and disoriented.” The way we respond to our memories is mainly controlled by the amygdala. The Amygdala controls perceptions of aggression, sadness, and fear. It works with the hippocampus in the storing of emotionally connected memories. Crying from seeing a picture of you and your dad is in part due to memories from the hippocampus and emotion perception from the amygdala. The brain is what makes us human.

My mother may not have been the perfect mother, but she was to me. I have learned to analyze people through their actions. I am learning to find good people through my own trial and errors. I have learned that unconditional love is strange and strong. It is the most unusual phenomenon that human kind has ever experienced and that it is through this that we never stop learning. I learned that even by death, your mother does not stop being your mother. After someone you love passes on, you learn that not only life is precious but the little things in it are as well. It is through this that we gain not only knowledge but wisdom. A mother's purpose is not only to love but to guide her child through a confusing world with wisdom, even if that wisdom hurts for many years to come.






Sources:
Gupta, Sanjay, Dr. "How Grief Can Make You Sick." EverydayHealth.com. Everyday Health, 10 Mar. 2015. Web. 14 July 2017.