Be the LIGHT by Maryela

Be the LIGHT by Maryela - April 2022 Scholarship Essay

Sixteen hundred is the number to be - - the number I have used to define what life means.
Now, do not get me wrong; I love the number. The way we condense its letters and write its
curves. However, I envy how it brings happiness to others to bring such sadness to me. The
most consequential mistake was wrapping the seventeen years of my life around this number
and allowing it to determine many actions and accomplishments and to feel its curves and
loops carved into a soul like a carpenter’s carving into wood. Sixteen hundred was no angel
number; it was hell. I’ve always been a very competitive and studious student. I love the rush of
accomplishing a task; tasks like adding two single digits the fastest out of others satisfied me. It
brought satisfaction and validation that I thought I needed, and using this rush was a way to
disguise a conscience that was put away for years. For many students, the number 1600 was
relevant to the SAT, a perfect score on a challenge and exam, but to me, it was much deeper
than that because 1600 was not a perfect score or number; it was the start of an eating
disorder.
No one talks about the 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States that
suffer from an eating disorder. It is as if they did not exist. I’m here to tell you that eating
disorders are real, not a facade or a lifestyle choice - they are about so much more than
wanting to appear thin or a certain way. It does not simply go away; thoughts of one’s head.
From measuring exact grams and counting each calorie, a body can begin to cry for help. No
one talks about the harms of the dye culture, only the benefits of what it may bring. They do
not talk about the countless nights spent crying in a mirror about how one may appear or
watch their hair fall off and lumps, causing them to be scared to take a shower.
Making emotional help available for everyone is my goal as a student, friend, and daughter. I
was never offered this opportunity through my school or my family. My family never influenced
how to reach for help. All problems were silent battles that one fought against oneself. I have
fought with the brutal and cold feeling of never being good enough for the past couple of years.
Everyone slowly witnessed the crumbling of the perfect student. There was no provided help.
Instead, it started the eyes of a lost girl—the spirit of a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. I
met amazing people that I was able to open up to, and slowly but surely, sixteen hundred
turned to seventeen hundred, and seventeen hundred turned into a healthy relationship with
food. No one deserves to battle this alone because some are unfortunate enough to lose. I am
happy to say that I feel better than ever; I have grown and matured in ways that cannot be
imagined. Now I strive to become the best version of myself but in a healthier way.

Now, I have started my own study group for younger high school students, where I help them
start their process in the college route. Currently, I have a number of ten students. It is still
pretty fresh to me, but what I want to avoid is the struggles I went through. My organization
works closely with first-generation students because as first-generation, we recognize the work
we need to put in and end up working harder than smarter. As a result, we often push
ourselves to a fault because we’ve never been taught to do otherwise. We keep going and
pushing ourselves because, ultimately, our lives are about trial and error. We don’t have a
guide, a cheat code to the game. We lack mentorship, resources, and support. So we just have
to play this game called Life and figure it out one step at a time.
Because of this, I put myself out there. I take the most rigorous classes one can take and
participate in the cross country and soccer—in addition to being a vocal and passionate
member of the Business Professionals of America, Senior Class, Scholastic Bowl team, and the
Spanish club. Moreover, I am a distinguished member of the Ambassador Leadership Team,
Principal’s Advisory Committee, and most notably, the National Honor Society, where I serve as
president.
However, there is so much more to being a first generation. Being first-gen means, we are the
pioneers of higher education for my family. In many ways, I like to think of ourselves as
stronger individuals, and WE have to fight harder to be just as equal to everyone else. So
instead of fighting alone, I want everyone else--who, like me, are new to this, and fight together.
There is a chance for everyone, even if it seems like there isn’t. We deserve it and are stronger
than ever; all it takes is a community.