Learning to Love Performance by Mackenzie

Learning to Love Performance by Mackenzie - February 2024 Scholarship Essay

Rhythm, pitch, and collaboration of sound surround the modern world in a multitude of ways, building relationships between our communities and music. Since early childhood, I have been engaged in activities that have nurtured my relationship with music. Through times of hardship, transition, and uncertainty, I have poured my emotions into my music. The broad appeal has helped me feel connected with others, while simultaneously developing my personality through playing an instrument. For years I have been expanding my skill and passion for the oboe, my largest expresser since the day I picked it up. Maintaining this passion, however, has been the journey that best represents my identity as both a person and as a musician.
Growing up, performing my oboe at family events for a mere audience of my grandparents and practicing in my bedroom with the school-loaned book, I never saw playing as anything more than a hobby. My grandfather would often joke about how he saw me in the Philadelphia Orchestra and each year he gifted me tickets to see them together. I enjoyed those performances, fascinated by the way the music would flow through the concert hall with such expression and grace. I dreamt of being a part of something as great as that orchestra, transforming my hobby into a lifelong goal. This sudden, but dedicated, interest provoked a strong curiosity in the history and style of classical music. I began to relate these aspects of music to my own personality, as I resonated with the uniqueness of each composition. Each time a piece is studied, it can be viewed from a different perspective, providing individuality to every feature of the genre. As my musical identity grew, playing and listening became an outlet for my emotional challenges, both inside and outside of music. This enabled me to repurpose my emotions for something I viewed with such dignity and eminence, solidifying my relationship with music as an integral part of my character.
Further, learning music as a language has allowed me to connect with others that share this same passion for performing. I was opened to these connections through different ensemble experiences, where I bonded with musicians that had their unique backgrounds but shared my same passion for music. Thriving in such a motivated environment inspired my own career, pushing me to reach goals at an unimaginable pace. As I progressed, however, it seemed as though my original purpose with music began to fade and was replaced with an insatiable hunger for achievement. My hobby turned into a dependence, and I soon began to intertwine my performance with my emotional well-being. At my mother’s request, I reluctantly joined the competition marching band when I entered high school. Because oboes are not compatible with the marching band, I had to learn the saxophone to participate. At first, I was extremely unenthusiastic about being a part of the group, and I often spent the rehearsal hours wishing I was doing anything else. The marching band environment was quite different from the environment I had been exposed to before, and thus was not what I expected. The particular energies of my bandmates and the different musical style interested me. I felt inspired to immerse myself in traditions and activities that came with the marching band. Eventually, I started to look forward to rehearsals, something I would have never admitted to anyone at the time. Being a part of such an exuberant ensemble reminded me how I had first found my passion for music. I enjoyed being a part of something so pronounced, surrounded by people that I was able to relate part of my identity to. Though I continue to nurture my passion and love for the oboe, my marching band experience allowed me to rediscover my passion and purpose through different aspects of music and the community I surrounded myself with.