Independence gained by Lydia

Independence gained by Lydia - January 2022 Scholarship Essay

In 2021 I believe that one skill I had but was strength was my independence. I had to start fresh in 2021 by transferring schools from my sophomore year to my junior year. I had to learn all new names and learn a brand new city all over again. I was originally at Oklahoma Baptist Univerity but transferred to Ouachita Baptist University.
College is where most people gain their independence its the first time they don’t have their parents having to them what to do or waiting for their parent’s approval to do things that they have an interest in doing. Although, I believe I gained independence the first two years of college nothing has shaped me more than my junior year of college. I learned this year in particular that you do not have to rely on someone else for fun or just to go and run simple errands. Starting fresh my junior year definitely excited me but also made me extremely nervous because I would not know anyone Oklahoma Baptist was my home but after Coivid hit that campus they had to make budget cuts such as my favorite professor, athletic teams, and even center degree programs that would cause me to transfer. On my first day at Ouachita, I saw everyone already having their friends wait for them hold the doors for them, or even have people next to sit in the cafeteria. I would like to say I am outgoing but truth be told I am quite nervous and pretty shy. Also being in Junior classes most of the people have already had the same people in their classes for the past two years and I was basically the elephant in the room that everyone saw but did not know how it got there. On my first day, I sat alone I tried to sit next to a couple of people they would sit next to me but as soon as their friend would come by they would pick up their stuff and leave which is okay but still hurt happening three different times in three different classes. I walked into the cafe and was extremely overwhelmed I grabbed my plate of food and sat down one girl came over to me and I thought she was going to sit next to me but just asked me to move because she needed the chair for her friend to sit down. After leaving the cafe I just went back to my dorm and sit and watched some Netflix unwind before the second day of classes. The second day was the same story people sitting next to me then left alone in the cafe nothing and no one to hang out with on the weekends. This cycle continued and really started to get me I believe I went a whole month without hearing my voice and even if I tried to talk it would be with the group of people that would be louder. On my birthday in October, I decided to change that. I don’t know why I woke up on my birthday expecting someone to say “Happy Birthday” to me but no one did it was I had no friends. All I got was a couple of texts of Happy Birthday from my parents. I saw a beautiful sunset from my window and I remember instead thinking I have no one to go and see it with me but decided to go and see it myself so that’s what I did and honest it was the first time in a long time I went to go and do stuff by myself and from that day on I decided to start doing things on my own for my own mental health.
I started to when it was warm enough hammock by myself and watch the sunset weekends go on walks and see the nature that is around my campus and I can tell you this much I know why Arkansas is considered the natural state. Once was once overwhelming to do simple tasks such as going to the grocery store or shopping now is not because for one I do not have to wait on everyone I can run and do things on my own time and I can do things that make me happy not what might make the group most happy overall. The silence once was quite terrifying but now finds now tranquility in.