Find Your Tribe by Logan

Find Your Tribe by Logan - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

It started my freshman year of high school, everyone at the small private high school I attended was trying to find their place in a world that had no grace for doing the right thing. I saw myself following that path. I knew this and luckily for me I had parents that cared and paid attention to the behavior and signs I was displaying during that time in my life.

We all want to fit in and especially at a school where there are less than 150 kids in your class. Everyone knows everyone and you're either in or your out. I was determined to be in. Being "in" meant going against everything my heart told me I shouldn't. I can remember going to my first party and being offered alcohol, and drugs. It was scary. I took the drink but declined the drugs. I came home so disappointed in myself. Sure, I was with all the cool kids. This continued for the next few weekends and quickly got old. I started to lose focus on my dream. The dream I had since I could remember to play collegiate soccer.

When I was really young people noticed me on the pitch. I was the kid that would dribble the ball from one end of the field to score at the other end. Sure I was only five and every five year old could do it. But it was different for me. I had it in my blood. My parents took this with a grain of salt until I was ten, that's when we all made the decision to take this journey one step further...travel ball. It was a big decision for my family. My parents had to sacrifice not only every weekend but financially it was hard on them. They managed to put off buying things that they wanted and invest in a ten year old that had a dream. It was now up to me to "keep my eye on the prize."

As you can see, "keeping your eye on the prize" isn't easy for a high school student. The first half of freshman year was tough, it was filled with lots of peer pressure and lots of bad decisions. I started to lose joy in being with my friends and family and even playing soccer. Then one day, my parents caught me.

It was 3:00am and I was sneaking back into my house from being out with some friends. I had done this multiple times and it was getting easier to do and get away with it, so I did it despite not feeling good about it. I must have gotten way to comfortable and made too much noise and that's when I saw the shadow of my dad in my dark room as I closed the window of my bedroom. My heart sank and I cried. I cried not because I got caught, but because I know the disappointment I was causing the people who loved me the most and sacrificed so much for me and my brother. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt. And I could see the hurt in my dad's eyes when he said we would talk in the morning. It was the longest four hours of my life. Waiting to talk to my parents took a lifetime and I was just ready to accept the consequences and move on.

There were several consequences to that night, and trust me it was not easy. The hardest part was realizing that my parents no longer trusted me. I just wanted to accept the consequences and move on. But with bad decisions comes emotional hurt.

After a few weeks of no social life, phone and television I decided that I would concentrate on my training to pursue and reignite the passion I had for soccer. And during this time I began to realize that if I hadn't gotten caught sneaking out I would have lost this passion and determination that was in me. It was not easy taking this path, it came with a price and I would pay for it.

When I earned back all the privileges I had lost I focused on making the right decisions for me. That meant losing the friends I had known since elementary school. These "friends" no longer invited me out. I felt alone and depressed. I spent many lunch periods hiding in the locker room by myself in tears. It was a lonely time and my parents also took note of this. This is when we sought the services of a therapist. This definitely helped but it was still a lonely place to be.

We finally made the difficult decision to seek a transfer to another school. I knew the grass isn't always greener on the other side and that was a chance I was willing to take. This is where I found my tribe. I found people who accepted me for who I was. People who loved me for my heart and not for the things I would do. It was a point in my life that I knew would save me and allow to be where I am today. I am a freshman at San Diego State playing D1 soccer. And I thank God for all his grace and for giving me parents who paid attention.