Have Hope by Lillian

Have Hope by Lillian - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

A piece of advice to give my past self would be to have hope. Hope for better things, a better future, and a better life. When I was a teen, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I wasn't very happy with how things were going, the people I was surrounded by, and with who I was. I kept a journal and when I go back and read it now at the age of twenty two, all I read is about my despair. As a teenager, all I could ever think about was how much I did not want to live life. I had been dealing with feeling alone as most of my family is in Brazil, drama with friends, and overall insecurities of who I was. All I ever wished for every night was to be happy. I found myself sinking into a pit that I could not simply see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have always had super high expectations of myself and could never seem to reach the goals I was looking for. I began to drink to take the pain away and let the numbness flow through me. I am thankful today to have broke that habit and find the help I was looking for.
I am writing this now as a twenty two year old grad student. There is hope for the better. I was able to finish my undergrad a semester early, I curated my support group, and I was even able to get into a grad school even when the chances were 50/50. I never thought I would be sitting here today and working on my second degree. I wish I could tell myself during those sleepless nights when I was awake and contemplating my existence that it truly does get better and how important it is to keep going even when I felt like a failure. That is not to say that things easy and that I don't have breakdowns, but that despite that I can persevere. Overall, I am grateful for my experiences as they have shaped me into the strong woman I am today, and I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that things will eventually always be okay.