What’s Next, Liana? by Liana

What’s Next, Liana? by Liana - August 2022 Scholarship Essay

Although the start of each school year is always a new beginning, this fall marks the beginning of the end of my college journey. I am entering my senior year at Columbia University, majoring in comparative literature. With move-in just two weeks away, every essay I have written, night I spent preparing for exams, notebook I filled with information—with doodles outside the margins, of course—has led me to this moment. I cherish transitional periods like this in my life because they allow me to think about what I want to do and who I want to become. Contemplation of my future invites me to reflect upon my personal growth and ask myself, “Liana, what’s next?”

At the end of my junior year I experienced record levels of academic burnout. Both a rigid perfectionist and chronic procrastinator, I had a hard time completing my courses successfully, even the ones I liked. Stress coupled with self-doubt depleted my motivation, but far worse, sucked all the joy out of learning for me. Although I finished the semester with a 3.77 grade point average and made the Dean’s List, the simplest tasks felt overwhelming and my noteworthy accomplishments felt meaningless. I even began to resent writing, my strongest form of self expression both inside and out of the classroom. I knew that I needed to reset, and the summer was the time to do so. Thus, instead of taking summer classes or finding some lifeless corporate internship, I decided to become an au pair for three months, travel throughout Europe, and rediscover my curious and creative spirit. This, I hoped, would translate back into the classroom upon my return. Now that my journey has concluded, I can confidently say that I have gained extensive knowledge about the world to take back home.

I have recently decided that I want to write a senior thesis. I am going to write about the economic and social implications of domestic work, specifically au pairing. I want to focus on situations where wealthy, first-world families hire and exploit workers from developing countries—often young women—to take care of their kids. My piece will include both scholarly research and literature, placing narratives pertaining to the lives of domestic workers at the center of the analysis. From current immigration policies in the European Union, to the historical phenomenon of enslaved Black women raising white children in the United States, this is a rich research topic that I am deeply interested in.

This project will be a daunting task, hence why I so recently committed to taking it on. I was inspired by my own experience working as an au pair in Germany and France, where I learned about the value of childcare, gender dynamics within the field, and the complex societal strings attached to the labor. Informed by my personal adventure, I see this piece as more than just the culmination of my studies, but also a passion project that could lead me to answer the looming “what’s next?” question. I believe that writing this thesis will be my greatest academic challenge thus far, but will also rekindle my love of learning and writing. I know that it will not be easy—11,000 words minimum on an original topic guided by my own independent research is no small feat. And although I am not short of ideas or passion, translating that onto paper will require sustained motivation and focus.

My goal for this upcoming school year will be to prioritize managing my well-being so that I can execute this project in the most fulfilling way possible. I want to identify the best ways to manage my stress and emotions, eliminate any self-deprecating thoughts from my psyche, and stay motivated throughout the year, not just the first two weeks. I want to maintain my ambition in every stage of this project. But most importantly, I want to—and will—be proud of myself when it is done.