Allyship by Leila

Allyship by Leila - April 2022 Scholarship Essay

Empathy has always been a trait of mine, but it was never something that I was particularly fond of until recently. For a long time, my empathy felt more like a weakness than a strength; it made me a pushover, I even had someone tell me it was like I had the word “Welcome” printed across my forehead because I was that much of a doormat. I’d always felt a deep caring for those close to me though, and I loved how it made me feel in moments when a loved one needed support and I could give it to them. Internally though, my empathy was a common point of turmoil as I watched over and over again how it was used against me; often leaving me hurt in the process. I grew to hate my empathetic side, hating how much I cared for some people who gladly left a footprint across my face. Regardless it stuck around and grew even stronger; especially during the period after the police killing of George Floyd in 2020.
I have always felt supportive towards political movements concerning people of color, gun violence, and the environment, but the absolute horror of his murder in addition to the police’s violent response to the various protests occurring around the country ignited a fire inside me and pushed me to get involved. Despite being white, I felt a deep connection towards the movement and I wanted to become involved and educated.
About a month into the protests, a black woman from my hometown spoke on a local podcast about the racism she experienced in our local school districts. She also informed listeners of an event being planned by a local activist group meant to highlight the issues in the school districts and incite change, encouraging them to get involved. I very quickly emailed her and asked how I could become engaged with the group; to which she happily replied that I should meet her at a local center; where I was later assigned as the supply person.
I worked on getting all the supplies we needed, which, alone, seemed like a large task, but there was added pressure upon discovering that the event was supposed to take place in less than a week. I am lucky enough to be the daughter of a teacher; who was not only able to provide me access to some supplies, but also the phone number of the school district’s superintendent. I called him and explained the event that was going to take place and asked if he would be willing to provide us with some of the remaining supplies that we needed. He happily agreed, genuinely interested in the event and learning more thoroughly about the issues that were prevalent in the district. All of the other necessary supplies were obtained, and so I spent the remaining time before the event taking notes during interviews of current/former students, ages 6 to 27, who had experienced racial prejudice in the school districts. I am most grateful for this part of my experience in helping this event because it provided me with a space where I could listen to these stories and begin to understand the hardships students of color faced. My eyes had finally been opened to things that I had no awareness of before because of my unconscious biases.
A day later, the event took place and it was more successful than I was expecting; I got to watch teachers in the districts make changes to their curriculum and classroom culture, along with various other changes. It was an overwhelming feeling of relief and joy in being able to be part of something so important and impactful. I was also appreciative that the opportunity provided me with the ability to see a way in which my empathy could have a positive effect on those around me as well as myself.