From the Pain to the Promise by Lauren

From the Pain to the Promise by Lauren - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

My paternal grandfather and his siblings were abandoned by their parents to live in the woods for three years before he was fifteen. I remember hearing details of how he ate rock soup and often fell asleep with an aching stomach for many nights. I imagine he did not want to pass the fear of not having enough on to his children by giving my dad as much money as he wanted when he wanted it. As a result, my dad’s lack of financial education ultimately led to my parent’s divorce when I was six years old.

I often heard my parents say negative things about each other while pretending I didn’t hear it. Instinctively, I tried to suppress feelings of frustration and disappointment, but I couldn’t. This led me to find coping behaviors to medicate the pain such as binge eating.

My mom found Ms.Pollard, a local therapist. She taught me how to express my feelings in a respectful way, discern why I do what I do, and overcome issues with my weight. After a few weeks of visiting her, my father became critical of my appearance.

He began projecting his insecurities of being obese onto me. I remember when he came to school, picked food off of my lunch tray while in line, and weighed me in front of the school nurse. I felt ashamed, and guilty for being almost 300 pounds. My father tried to guide me not to become overweight like him.

I believed he hated me and didn’t feel loved by him; I began to hate myself. Food became my friend. I wanted to lose weight but it was immensely difficult for me. But Ms.Pollard encouraged me to redefine what wholeness and success looked like for me. Every time I needed encouragement or a listening ear–she was there.

Her most valuable strategies taught me that growing inwardly is more important than changing my life externally. Especially, after being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)–a hormonal (auto-immune) disorder causing enlarged ovaries with small cysts on the outer edges. A symptom of PCOS is extreme weight gain. Immediately, I began to understand why it was hard for me to lose weight.

My diagnosis empowered me to finally take control of my well-being by discovering what nutritious meals fueled me. I was more active, including getting more steps in during the day by walking to class instead of taking the campus shuttle. Within two years I lost almost 100 pounds. It’s been a journey, but I’m in a better place with food emotionally and physically.

This scholarship will not only enable me to go back to school for my master’s in data science, but without it I won’t. I don’t have the luxury like my father did to go to a drawer and pull out money for each semester.

I am in the same wilderness my grandfather experienced that led to his self-destructive behaviors of overeating and workaholism. My grandpa needed a Ms.Pollard to help him navigate living in the wilderness and developing his whole self. She was able to do that for me.

Throughout my academic career, the stress I experienced from family problems at home, affected my ability to focus and learn. I regret not speaking up and asking for extra help from my teachers and parents. I graduated high school but I did not apply myself as much as I would have liked to in high school.

While working toward my undergraduate degree not much changed because I took was heavily involved in extracurricular activities: student government, diversity and inclusion coordinator, undergraduate representative, National Society of Collegiate Scholars etc. Now, that I am working toward my master’s degree I am more focused on my schoolwork and have seen a huge improvement in my ability to focus, learn, and my grades.

I want to create innovative biomedical technology that can detect abnormalities within the human body for those with underlying illnesses. If I had access to the data and medical technology I have now I could have resolved my medical issues sooner.

My mentor helped me to see it's not always about the numbers, and it's not always about the weight. It’s about what is below the surface. It’s about recognizing how internal and external struggles can impact one’s overall mental, physical, and emotional well-being.

Most individuals who pursue a college education, hope to use their degree to alter their family’s financial future. Many don’t see the benefit of modifying their family’s health habits. That’s who I am striving to be with this degree. This scholarship will impact me to get one step closer to changing my family’s health legacy.

My grandfather served in the U.S. military forces in World War II. He was the only one selected from his squad to leave and serve in Germany. His squad went to Pearl Harbor and everyone died. My dad was not even born until two decades after my grandfather served in the war. If my grandfather would have stayed with his squad and served in Pearl Harbor. I would not be here today to have the unique opportunity to spark hope and spread change in numerous communities across the world.