The Presence of Fat and the Absence of Love by Lauren

The Presence of Fat and the Absence of Love by Lauren - May 2022 Scholarship Essay

When I was in the sixth grade, I was overweight and had low self-esteem. I could not fit into kids clothing and every time that I tried to, I would have a mental breakdown in the dressing room. I hated the way that I looked, I felt like no one loved me, and I had no hope for myself. My mom told me continuously, “Lauren, if you’re not happy with the way that you look, you have to change some things.” She told me that my body was not going to change overnight and that I had to put work in if losing weight truly meant something to me. After months of crying because of my appearance, I finally decided that it was time to make a change.

I told my mom one morning that I was going to put in the effort to lose weight and she immediately tried to help me in any way possible. She researched healthy meals, workouts, and any other information that would help me lose weight safely at a young age. I began my journey by measuring the circumference of each major part of my body. This included my neck, stomach, biceps, thighs, waist, and calves. My mom wrote each measurement down on a sheet of paper and we came back to it monthly to see my results. I measured myself again at the end of each month, and my mom and I would compare my measurements to see how many inches I had lost or gained.

My mom drew many motivational quotes, a water bottle diagram to track my water intake, my diet, and my workout for the day on a whiteboard for me. She placed it on the table right next to our front door so that I would see it every morning when I left for school. This helped me tremendously to stay motivated and focused on my goal.

My mom and I decided to take this new journey slowly. I still ate some of the unhealthy food that I liked, but I gave up junk food and sodas. I slowly added fruits and vegetables into my diet and I later took out all fried food. Occasionally, during family events, fried food was the only kind of food being served. When this happened, I had to take the bread crumbs off of the meat and eat the meat on its own.

I went to the gym everyday and I started out slow just like I did with my diet. I started running on the treadmill and doing cardio based workouts. When I became healthy enough to get through those workouts easily, I added weight lifting exercises into my workout routine. In addition to this, I was fortunate enough to have someone train me for one month after winning a free training contest at my local gym.
As if I was not going through enough already, many people shared their beliefs that my new lifestyle was nonsense and unhealthy for my mental health. They told my mom that she was a bad mother for “making” her 11 year old go on a diet and workout as much as I was. They also thought that she was the one causing me to feel bad about my weight. What they did not know was that the whole idea to change my appearance was mine - not my mom’s. I knew that I was unhealthy and that I needed to change, so that is exactly what I did. Needless to say, this did not stop me or my mom from doing whatever it took to accomplish my goal.

Over many months, we noticed that I had been losing weight and gaining muscle. I lost 16 inches of fat from my stomach and I gained muscle where I needed it. I began to see myself in a positive way physically, but also spiritually. After finally accepting my outer appearance, I was happy with myself for the first time ever. My new lifestyle boosted my self confidence as a whole, and I had arrived at a place of self love.

I did not expect any progress to be made when I took on this new journey, and I know that I could not have succeeded alone. I am grateful that my mom was by my side every step of the way, even when it got hard for both of us. We faced this adversity together and successfully won the battle. Although I did not necessarily start my journey with the best mindset, not loving my body pushed me to make myself better in all aspects of my life. Ever since my weight loss journey, I have learned to not rely on others’ opinions and to make my own decisions. This journey changed my mindset about my life in a positive way, and I am incredibly grateful that I went through it.