Awe-Inspiringly Kylah by KYLAH

Awe-Inspiringly Kylah by KYLAH - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

Students often look back on their high school years and wonder about things that they could have done differently. A lot of people also leave high school wishing they had done more, others leave wishing they had done less. For students like me, however, I think that I would encourage myself to be more authentic.
Authenticity is something I grew up with. My mom always reminded me to go out into the world and be my authentic self. She encouraged me always to pursue my arts, crafts, and dreams, no matter what it took. For so long, I heeded my mother's words. I felt like I could, since for eight years, my peers were all the same. I was raised in a small K-8 school with 39 other students. We grew together, as our own little community, and I think that while my formative years were the most chaotic of my life, I always knew that I could be who I was with them.
As high school approached, I soon realized that I wouldn't be around the same kids. In fact, I was the only person from my little school that went to my current high school. My first day at Littleton was beyond isolating, and that loneliness made me push myself into activities I thought I would enjoy.
I did a variety of things my Freshman year. I joined student council, I auditioned for the school play, played volleyball, and participated in DECA. I spread myself extremely thin, often having to run around the school building to get from Volleyball practice to rehearsal for the play. It. Was. Agonizing. Not because I didn't enjoy what I was doing, but because I hated who I was doing it with. I didn't fit in as my authentic self here. I felt lied to, ostracized, and upset at myself.
I didn't know it at the time, but I subtly changed myself. I hung out with new people I hated, I dressed differently. My grades fell, and the pandemic rolled around. I was miserable.
I wouldn't consider myself to be the begging type. I've gained the self confidence not to grovel at people and be a people pleaser anymore, but if I met my younger self, I would beg her not to make the same choices. I would tell her not to do theater or volleyball. I would tell her to go hang out with the "weird" kids. I would beg her to be kinder to herself, because I know I never was. I would tell her exactly what my mom told me every day. "Be authentic. Be awe-inspiringly Kylah."