A Curse Ended Up A Blessing by Kush

A Curse Ended Up A Blessing by Kush - January 2022 Scholarship Essay

Sitting in my room staring at my four textbooks scrawled all over my table was one of the scariest times of my life. Freshman year was such a breeze that I did not put enough attention into studying for my AP classes. I thought the tests were going to be a piece of cake. The feeling of misery and disappointment waking up to see my scores left a distaste in taking these courses. Even though the sophomore year, I had done well on my exams, online exams, I knew that my expectations for my Junior year were through the roof. I had to perform, or I would be unsatisfied with myself. The only way I would conquer my fear of judgment or scores was by starting with a step. I picked up my Calculus book and turned the page, the words floating in and out of my brain. The next couple of weeks were a constant struggle to find the motivation to keep studying. I did find comfort in knowing that I never wanted to experience that sadness, the eventual disappointment I would become, so I prepared. I knew that if I was going to fail, I might as well have tried my best. It was my safety. Jumping off into an abyss with a parachute, at least having hope that I had a chance to survive. The constant threat of failing became my motivation to keep going. Every day on the weekends, I would wake up and do a practice test, watch Khan Academy, and dedicate myself to not failing.
Once I began to see results in my tests, my motivation shifted. It became more of a necessity to prove to myself. This dedication became infectious and carried over to other subjects. I found myself immersed in other areas. The actual feeling of satisfaction came to me that June when I checked my scores and received 5s. I embraced my hard work as a token of my success and the euphoria that came with it. So senior year, instead of awaiting that dreadful disappointment, my goal was that utopia that left me gasping for more. This shift in mindset made it easier to accomplish my homework, study for tests, and become more organized. My dedication to my schoolwork as a stepping stone to happiness made my academic goals easily attainable.