Two-Story Houses, Rich Men, and Six-Dollar Coffee by Kristiane

Two-Story Houses, Rich Men, and Six-Dollar Coffee by Kristiane - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

As a child, I listened to my parents religiously as he told me about the various possibilities I could pursue for my future. Coming from a Filipino household, much of my ideas and beliefs stem from getting a good job, marrying into a good family and making money. That is all that mattered——who needed hobbies and other interests? For years I lived by this belief, and I floundered in the idea of living a eurocentric life where I'd live in a two-story house, marry a rich man and drink six-dollar coffee every morning.

But also, as a child, I had my own thoughts and opinions on the matter. I grew up with ambitious motivations, running for positions in my school's class office and performing music in my free time. I wrote songs, tried learning an instrument, and read fictional fantasy books that my parents disapproved of due to the fact that they weren't "educational" enough. Even though I thought my parents would be happy with leadership positions and my love for additional activities, to them, hobbies were evil and a waste of time——I should "focus more on my schooling and making money rather than having fun." Due to this, I felt invalidated of my interests and stripped from a personality. If one were to come up to me and ask what I did to have fun, I would probably respond with: "I obsess about my future where I would live in a two-story house, marry a rich man and drink six-dollar coffee every morning."

Looking back now, I regret holding back on things that I loved doing. In fact, I still struggle to this day as I feel that having fun and taking care of myself is a complete waste of time. When I'm out with friends, I feel immediate guilt after as I could have gone to work instead. Even when I shower, I need to rinse quickly as I waste precious study time. I had suppressed my feelings of wanting to have fun as a child, and I am now living in its consequences. Even though I know what the future has in store for me, from knowing exactly the job I want to pursue and the life that I want to lead, I feel rushed, monotonous, and stressed.

I know this is all due to generational beliefs, and although I understand where my family comes from, it pains me to know that I stood by them and didn't allow myself to be a child. I regret not learning how to play guitar, or reading books that were fiction——picking up hobbies that I otherwise would have enjoyed if it weren't due to the constant guilt I feel. Looking back now, I would tell my younger self to: do what you love doing, don't invalidate your feelings, and having fun is not the root of all evil. Live your life, and having quality time for yourself is just as important as working toward a future that you’re aiming for.