"Teacher, please don't pick on me" by Kimberly

"Teacher, please don't pick on me" by Kimberly - July 2016 Scholarship Essay

“Don’t look at her! Avoid eye contact at all costs. No, pick your chin up, looking down won’t make things any better either. Quick! Pick an object to focus on; she’s looking towards this side of the room.” These are the thoughts that race through my brain as Mrs. Williams scourers each corner of the classroom looking for the next person to present their project to the class. As she tilts her head down to look at the class roster, I am almost certain that my last name has forsaken me yet again. Matthew Alexander was the first of my classmates to present. My hatred of the alphabetical order method brought me to the conclusion that “Kimberly Anderson” would be the next name the teacher uttered. As she opened her mouth to call on the next student I miserably began shuffling my index cards in preparation to present. “Alright, up next we’ll hear from Lauren Mendez.” A sigh of relief left my breath as the teacher prolonged my anguish with those very simple words. It is not that I wasn’t thoroughly prepared to talk on behalf of my topic. I had spent an entire month conducting research, memorizing statistics and documenting my opinion based on the facts that I analyzed. My fear was not rooted in preparation but rather in the way my delivery would be received by my peers.
By the time I had reached this pivotal moment in Mrs. William’s English class I had already conquered three years of high school. That means years of avoiding eye contact in hopes of prolonging being called upon, years of having my mouth become dry as I stood up to give a speech before an audience and years of being asked “ Can you repeat that, you were speaking to low?” However, the outcome of this education experience far surpassed any previous instances in my academic studies. There was never a question of doubt pertaining to my intellectual capacity. Every teacher that I have ever taken a course with speaks of the work that I produce with high regards. My passion about learning is what resulted in my placement in advanced courses, my climb to the top ten percentile of my high school graduating class and my current achievement as an undergraduate with a 3.9 GPA. Unfortunately, however, I allowed my shyness to stifle my full potential. I was the girl that knew the answer to the teacher’s question but kept her hand down. The girl that didn’t comprehend the last lesson but refrained from asking the teacher for clarity on the topic. I became fearful of my own words without even realizing it.
By the time it was my turn to present my heart had already skipped a thousand beats before my name was called. As I stood before my senior class delivering my assignment the anxiety raced through my body just as it always had when I was asked to do public speaking. After the bell rang signifying the end of English class, my teacher approached me and asked if I had a minute to spear before going to my next class. “Did I pronounce a word wrong during my speech? Was I talking entirely too fast because of my nerves? Was this my poorest assignment?” My mind posed these questions within my head but I simply smiled and replied “Of course Mrs. Williams.” Our conversation would go on to mark one of the most remarkable time periods of my life. She began the conversation with positive remarks about my presentation and then went on to teaching me the most paramount lesson that I’ve learned from a teacher to this very day.
Mrs. Williams began to recite the famous words of Marianne Williamson. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us…” She realized how my fears were plaguing my view of my own accomplishments and capabilities. She recollected a time in her own youth where she feared public speaking and encounters with others. Marianne Williamson’s quotation acted as a silver lining for me. I came to the realization that my fears were only holding me back from great success. I realized that just as my teacher’s words transformed my outlook on life my words could also be a catalyst within the lives of others. I noticed that my opinions could stir up intellectual conversations and my questions could bring about better understanding. Each discussion is dynamic in its own right because it acts as a gateway for others to better grasp my thought process.
I learned to push past my comfort zone and become enthusiastic about speaking up. In just a year’s time I witnessed the lessons of my high school teacher transform me into a leader. The shy girl that sunk a little further into her seat when it was time to talk became a powerful speaker. During my first year in college alone I strengthened my communication skills by joining the debate team, attaining a leadership role in Student Government and declaring my major in a field of study that allows me to speak up on behalf of others as an attorney. Mrs. Williams imparted a moving lesson about confidence in one’s abilities that helped me to overcome insecurities that I otherwise perceived as insurmountable.