Uncertainty by Kilian

Uncertainty by Kilian - January 2019 Scholarship Essay

Prior to my freshman year at college? I definitely leaned towards being a night owl purely because of how convenient it was for me to take care of homework. You see, I was raised by a single mom, which meant that as soon as I was old enough to reliably dial either 911 or her cell phone I have had to look after my little brother, especially while she worked the night shifts. For a long time, much of my day after school consisted of doing basic chores helping my brother with his homework, and then cooking dinner, though if my little brothers homework assignment was taking a little longer, dinner would be made first. This was my routine for me for nearly eight years, the order of course changed from day to day as mom would have a few days out of the week where she didn’t work super late, but ultimately the result was the same nearly every night. I wouldn’t be able to start doing homework until 9:30 pm.
To help with this, I ensured that for the last two years of high school I had at least one out-period in the morning just to make sure I would get a reasonable amount of sleep. However, as I got older, I started taking up some jobs to help around the house. Unfortunately though, my mom would only let me help pay for the smaller bills for the house. Mainly Wi-Fi and the gas bills since I wanted a stronger internet connection and apparently I was “taking showers that would last longer than a Spanish Soap Opera.” But with working two jobs while attending school, I put a lot more onto my plate which meant that homework and dinner tended to be a tad later in the night. In hindsight, working two jobs is what really allowed me to get into college, but at the same time it was only possible because I could stay up later in the night to work on my homework and give myself a time to genuinely relax.
However, I do not have this luxury now that I am enrolled in college. This might be because I haven’t really figured everything out. Studying is a relatively new concept for me since my classes lasted significantly longer in high school, but in addition, I’m away from home. I don’t have someone telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing, where I should be to get the most out of my time here, when I should eat, and when I need to take a break. College is, unfortunately, a lot of firsts for me. I feel that despite taking “college prep courses,” I wasn’t ready. The classes are harder, faster, and the terms are so much shorter than what I’m used to. However, the real kicker is that I decided to join the Air Force ROTC program, meaning I have had the opportunity to wake up at six in the morning every day. Now to the morning persons out there who enjoy waking up before the sun, this sounds easy, but this, this has been the hardest obstacle I have ever experienced.
As of this moment, I feel that I am caught between the two worlds. Having to be up so early in the morning has shifted my sleep schedule enough that I can function in the morning, but a part of my body still strives to keep the energy up till nearly midnight. As I have said before, I tend to wake up at six for my physical training with the ROTC program, which means if I don’t force myself to get to sleep prior to 10:30 at night, I will have problems retaining information for the entirety of the day. Just take today for example, I went to bed at 12:30 in the morning, woke up at six and was done with my classes at two in the afternoon. I took care of my non-school work and started on my homework. It took me nearly two hours to do 8 math problems. Two hours for eight problems! Ultimately what I am trying to say is that I need to shift my productivity to being in the morning to middle of the day to ensure that I have the energy to retain information. So as of this moment, I still think I fall under the night owl category, but I am doing my best to shift towards a morning person to make my transition to college easier on myself, and to those around me.