Fear of Being Curious by Kaylie

Fear of Being Curious by Kaylie - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

What has been your biggest failure during your education and how has it helped shape who you are as a person?

My biggest failure in my education would be allowing my fear of asking questions to affect my ability to learn. Not asking questions is a common fear among students, however for me, it was more than that. I had -an anxiety-filled fear of making a fool of myself in front of my peers and teachers. Even speaking to teachers privately after class stirred nerves in my stomach and so I never took advantage of office hours.

However, in high school this fear had gone too far as my grades had begun to suffer. I was a hardworking student and academics were and still are very important to me. I have had the dream of becoming an OB/GYN for as long as I can remember and I knew that my grades had to be excellent. It was not until I received a near fail on my math test that I realized something had to give. Thankfully, my resolve in becoming a physician outweighed my fear and so I made a conscious decision to change.

Another characteristic that you should know about me is that I am incredibly stubborn. Once I set my mind on something, I always follow through. However, I am also incredibly introverted and so this change was not going to be instant. I began stepping outside of my comfort zone little by litte. First, I began by asking my peers small clarification questions here and there. Then, I forced myself to seek out my teacher after classes and ask questions one on one. I was able to do so by preparing questions beforehand so I knew exactly what to say. Eventually, I no longer had to prepare every word I was going to say and was able to ask spontaneous questions in class, in front of all my peers. Slowly but surely, I began to build a newfound confidence. Not only did my participation grade improve, but my test and homework scores did as well.

You may be thinking how silly it is to consider asking questions a fear let alone characterize it as my biggest failure. However, I disagree. I had only begun to make this change my senior year of high school. I had gone through nearly 12 years of my academic career sitting quietly in the back of the classroom with hundreds of questions yet never having the guts to simply ask. In hindsight, I would have saved myself years of stress and anxiety by simply taking initiative. I have come to realize that not asking questions and not being more assertive in my learning was 100 times more "stupid" than living in fear that my question was not "smart" enough. Alternatively, I have now become quite a go-getter and I like to think that asking questions has allowed me to thrive in college. Instead of hoping that other students would ask the questions I had burning in my mind, I now raise my hand without a second thought. The simple act of asking questions has actually positively affected my life outside of academics. My newfound confidence has allowed me to create a wonderful community at my college. I have joined numerous clubs and landed myself a on-campus job that actually involves interacting with students everyday. Most importantly, I have taken the initiative to reach out to professors all over campus to join their research labs, which has allowed me to join a research lab as a freshman. Though simple, asking questions has allowed me to grow into the self-assured and curious person I am today. I am excited to continue to learn from my peers and professors, continue my education, and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor.