Perfectly Imperfect by Katelyn

Perfectly Imperfect by Katelyn - November 2018 Scholarship Essay

"When my world was crumbling around me, I rebuilt it with nothing but my own two hands." My story is not an easy one. I’m not going to tell you about a mission trip, a summer abroad, or my wonderful and inspiring family. I won’t give you a sob story, and I won’t write some cliche essay about how great it is to help others. My story is not a fairytale; it is raw, real, and uncomfortable. Yet if it never happened, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Freshman year of high school, everything seemed normally abnormal: a strange description, but it’s rather fitting. I was an awkward teen with big dreams, strangely obsessive study habits, self-esteem issues, and a nice healthy dose of social anxiety. I made many acquaintances and a few close friends. I did well in my classes, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It was an uneventful year, but that was all about to change.
There’s something I tell myself every time I feel down or lose my confidence,“If I could get through sophomore year, I can get through anything.” That year, my social anxiety and depression exponentially worsened, and my already low self-esteem plummeted further. I wore dresses and heels everyday, and I caked my face in makeup. I figured if I looked put together on the outside, then people wouldn’t be able to see how I was falling apart inside -- and it worked! Most of the friends I had made freshman year decided I was annoying and uptight. They thought I was vain and antisocial, and they began to spread rumors about me. On top of that, my parents finalized their divorce, and I had begun to question my sexuality. Needless to say, this was a recipe for disaster.
By second semester, the weight of all of these obstacles had compounded on me. It was the worst experience I’ve ever had with my depression. I stopped paying attention in class and found every excuse possible to stay home from school. Consequently, I began the semester failing all of my classes. I was convinced I had ruined my life. What had happened to me? I was an honors student. I had a near perfect GPA. I was going to go to college. Now I couldn’t have any of those things. I decided it was better to end my life than to live the rest of it suffering from my mistakes. That night, I called my friend Claire to say goodbye, but before I could tell her what I was planning, she said the words that saved my life, “You are still the same person you’ve always been.” She helped me to realize that I wasn’t a failure. I was still the awkward teen with big dreams. I was still the honors student who could do anything she wanted to with her life.
After that call, my entire outlook on life changed. I was not going to lie down and let this kill me; I was going to fight. No matter how difficult it seemed, I was going to take back my life. I paid attention in my classes again, completed all the homework, studied countless hours each day, and retook every test I got less than an A on. By the end of the semester, I had achieved all As and Bs.
Things have only gotten better from there. I am seeking treatment for my mental health, my GPA is back to being near perfect, and I’m back on track for going to college. Because of my experience, I’ve become extremely driven to make a difference in the world for people like me. My dream is to become a psychiatrist, and to create better treatments for mental illnesses. With new found strength, determination, and a drive and desire to help others, I look forward to starting the next chapter of my story.