Growing Away from Thorns by Karlie

Growing Away from Thorns by Karlie - March 2024 Scholarship Essay

Throughout my life, I have worked with many people with different perspectives than me, all who have opened my mind to new ways of thinking and adapting. However, the most undeniably influential person in my life has been my sister Chloe. Chloe was hospitalized in both children’s hospitals and mental institutions for about 4 years, from ages 13-17. She suffered deeply through anorexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, self-harm, and ADHD. Despite these ailments being her own, they had major effects on me and my family. Throughout elementary and middle school, I witnessed my sister breaking down and frenetic. I dodged the items she threw at us and blocked my dog’s ears as her high-pitched screams would echo uncontrollably through the house. While young, scared, and unable to understand her, I had to learn how to work together with Chloe to help get her and my family through this time.

I wanted to help Chloe, and even truly believed I would be the one to get through to her and get her to stop having mental breakdowns as the result of any of her emotions. Considering my age, the scenarios I imagined in which I said the perfect thing to help her see clearly were not realistic. My perspective on the situation was naive. Although Chloe needed help, she did not want it. She felt that the world was against her each time we tried to be there for her. Her anger and despair clouded her outlook on the world. She was not familiar with the truth and couldn’t be convinced of anything besides her own opinion.

After time and failure, instead of trying to change her perspective, my own viewpoint shifted. As I stood in the kitchen, taking in her shrieks and blocking her hands before they hit my body, I realized there was nothing I could say in that moment to change her thinking. I had to grow up and ignore my young instincts to argue. Learning to communicate with Chloe in these harsh situations was demanding but efficacious. In assessing the situations, I learned how to understand her needs and emotions when she couldn’t communicate or control what those are. I began to recognize her unhealthy behaviors and responses, and figure out the source. I gained the ability to stay calm, conceal my own emotional reaction, and express my understanding towards her while simultaneously decompressing the situation. However, the most difficult thing for me to learn was that the key to helping her is that being right is not the most important thing in life.

The lessons I learned in managing life with Chloe continue to help me in my life every day today. At school and in the workplace, I am able to cooperate with anyone. When I am put in leadership roles, such as being captain to all my sports teams, I am able to de-escalate various situations and have been able to help my peers when stressed. I have been recognized at school and in sports for my ability to connect with others, and understand how to help when they are having trouble communicating. I know that to help others, instead of trying to prove to them that I am correct, I can utilize what I know in a way that truly fits their needs and not my own. Despite years of family therapy, no lesson compares to what my experiences with Chloe taught me about leadership, relationships, social skills, and much more. She urged me to become who I am today. Thus, working with Chloe in intense settings helped me learn and grow as a person and to gain a variety of life skills.