The Hidden "I's" by Kaiya

The Hidden "I's" by Kaiya - August 2023 Scholarship Essay

At the end of my junior year, a friend asks me if I have ever considered running to be a Proconsul, whose role is to oversee all of the Student Activities Office’s committees and the planning of all student-wide events. At first, I am apprehensive because I am the type of person who prefers working behind the scenes, a residual effect from middle school. In the seventh grade, unsteady breathing, a racing heart, and a never-ending source of tears became my new normal. I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks at school, forced to deal with them alone because no one seemed to notice my fight with my own psychological state. I began to hate the sound of bells ringing, being in class, and even hanging out with friends even though school had always been my sanctuary in years past. However, I was able to push past my mental obstacles with the help from Mrs. LaFortune, a kind office lady who I had met earlier that year. My love for school grew as I realized her unexpected and unprompted generosity compelled me to push through hard times. Unfortunately, a detrimental impact of my seventh-grade struggles was that even though I was passionate about making a difference in my school’s community, I tended to stay away from the spotlight.
As I pondered my friend’s question, I could not seem to stop thinking about the six other candidates I had to go up against, all of whom seemed more qualified than me to be proconsuls. They were previous and current class officers, overall fair chairs, and extremely popular amongst the entire upper school. In my mind, they were more likely to win than me because I thought I was a person of little status at school. But then, I remembered middle-school Kaiya who would never forget Mrs. LaFortune’s impact on her when she felt so invisible. So, when I decided to run, I focused my entire campaign speech on “never forgetting the hidden I’s,” comparing it to how people always forget the “I” in my name, Kaiya. I made sure to emphasize the importance of small acts of kindness and the tremendous personal impact they can have, especially for someone who feels forgotten. With this message, I became one of three elected proconsuls, which involved planning acts of kindness such as personalized letters to students who show determination and persistence in academics despite their grades, small goodie bags to all new faculty and staff to welcome them to the ‘Iolani community, and an entire day of free food and activities to celebrate our achievments throughout the year, no matter how big or small. My goal as proconsul was to try to mimic Mrs. LaFortune’s kindness to others. I want to embrace others with the same open arms in which she enveloped me.
The reserved seventh-grade me would have never given a speech to over 2,500 students, faculty, and staff. The reserved seventh-grade me would have never believed that I was a student leader who speaks up for people as shy as I used to be. The reserved seventh-grade me would have never put myself out there in the first place. I am embracing my growing confidence that was nurtured by Mrs. LaFortune. Although it seems simple to say, my goal in life has always been to make a difference. The way I hope to make a difference is by continuing to recognize the “hidden I’s” throughout my life and showing them that they are seen for their true selves just as Mrs. LaFourtune saw me when I felt invisible to society. Only by making myself vulnerable have I made others feel loved as I continue to spread kindness and a sense of safety to all.