Reaching Out by Kaitlyn

Reaching Out by Kaitlyn - November 2022 Scholarship Essay

When I first read the question corresponding with this scholarship opportunity, I drew a complete and utter blank for an answer. As a senior, I have found it to be one of the hardest times to even have the motivation or inspiration to get through this year. It has been one of my most difficult and challenging years. So many choices have to be thought about or made about what I want to do after high school. The pressure of being asked over and over again about what I'm doing after high school and repeatedly telling them that I have no idea, gets frustrating. Constantly, I find myself stressing over everything and losing the motivation to try in any aspect of my life. As mental health issues arose over almost two years ago, I've barely found the strength to keep on trying, to keep on fighting. There came a point in my life where I wholeheartedly gave up. It was the same routine every day for me, and I stopped caring about what happened in my life, what happened to me. I thought surely that this must be the end. That my story was over. But eventually, I found something worth living for.
My entire life, I've loved writing. For years I fantasized about writing and publishing a book or having a career as a full-time author. When I was fifteen, I started my first book and finished it in about a month. Revisions were made over and over again and I am now proud to say that it is a completed book I hope to publish someday. At the time I didn't know this; but this would only be the start of my writing journey. At first, I wrote to accomplish something and to fulfill my lifelong goal. However, this all changed my junior year. My junior year was the year I had the most trials and issues of my life. My depression had gotten so bad to the point that I was contemplating ending my life. The worst part was that I wasn't even scared; I was fully ready for it. It's what sparked my idea for my third book, the one that is undoubtedly the most personal thing I've ever written. In it, it deals with six characters all going through life with their own problems and struggles. I thought I was just writing for entertainment or to get some possible fame, but I was wrong.
As I continued to write, I found myself expressing the pains and sorrows I was going through, through specifically one of my characters. Writing became my therapy as I found it as one of the only ways to express myself in a healthy and comforting way. Countless tears were shed as I wrote the words I had been so determined to keep bottled up. The character, though not real, had thoughts and feelings that were very real. This is because they were my thoughts and feelings. Throughout their dialogue and the story, I wrote all of the things that I hadn't even dared to ever utter aloud. The words that pounded throughout me and turned my mind into a chaotic mess, were finally released. So many emotions were felt throughout the process of writing this, that I was so happy to finally feel something again.
This book, this writing, has inspired me throughout my school year. It has made me become more observant of seeing students who look distraught and trying to lend a hand out because I understand what they're going through. It helps me to try and be more optimistic as I realize just how blessed I am. How much worse my life could be. It's inspired me to try again (specifically in school) when I was so used to giving up. Somehow, this book that I am halfway done with, has changed me more than I thought. I was so surprised to recognize that my writing has become my motivation and fuel every day to keep on going. And who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to publish this book and inspire others the way it did to me. This book is my inspiration in every aspect. Like I mentioned before, I so vigorously believed that this was the end. That my story was over. But this isn't the end of the story; its just the beginning.