Learning to Let Go by Kaitlyn

Learning to Let Go by Kaitlyn - June 2016 Scholarship Essay

When people first heard that I wanted to spend my last two years of high school taking classes at the University of Minnesota, I was met with mixed reactions: “Wow, that’s so cool, Kaitlyn!”, “My parents would never let me do something like that.”, “But won’t you miss the (cue jazz hands) high school experience?”.

I was going to be participating in a Minnesota program known as Post-Secondary Enrollment Options (PSEO), which allows high school students to take classes at college for dual credit. It’s the kind of program that should be widespread, but really isn’t and a lot of people still feel weird about the idea of shipping teenagers off to college before high school graduation. But I did it and I turned out (mostly) fine. In fact, I’m probably better off than most of my friends who struggled with the likes of Advanced Placement and now, I will be graduating high school with 69 college credits already completed. However, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows in the beginning, which is why being a high school student in college was an academic challenge for me.

My first semester at the U of M was Fall 2014 and I sat in massive lecture halls amongst people two to six years older than me. While my friends had only just begun their full nine months of AP US History, I gleefully took HIST 1301W, which only covered American history to 1865 (the end of the civil war), but was still plenty to fulfill both my high school and college requirements. However, combined with political science, creative writing, and an online renewable energy class, I wasn’t exactly getting by easy. The sheer amount of reading and writing involved was enough for my ADD to slowly tear at the fibers holding my anxiety in check. However, I had gone in knowing full well that college was hard and expected to earn A-s and B+s, but somehow managed to walk away with straight As. Trust me, I didn’t believe it at first either.

Spring 2016 tricked me as well. While I was warned by my peers and advisors not to take Calculus I and Chemistry I together, I wasn’t too worried. I still kept their fears at the back of my mind, but when I walked out with straight As again, I felt like I was on top of the world. However, it would be my next semester, Fall 2015, that would prove to be the challenge.

I knew it would be a challenge taking Calculus II, Chemistry II, and Physics I together. Throw a writing class in there that turned out to be more reading than writing and you end up with one stressed out Kaitlyn. But remember, I had done this before! I had taken on the haters and proved them wrong so why couldn’t I do it again? That’s why the 60% on my first chemistry test devastated me and made me realize I had begun falling into a trap. You see, I thought I was the best. I got cocky and forgot how much hard work I had put into my previous semesters. Now with the curve, I technically got a B- on that test, but even still, for someone who has gotten straight As with little effort since the 7th grade, I was worried I was losing my touch. It was that moment I became a true college student, obsessed with my grade, trying to calculate how much I need on this test and that homework to get an A. It was dangerous to my well-being and I realized that. So as finals approached, I looked back on my very first semester, where I told myself not to be upset with an A-, that there are people sitting to my right and left that would kill for a grade like that. I resigned myself to just doing my best, no matter what that led to.

I ended up just barely getting that A in Chemistry. Calculus, however, was the one to give me my first A-, but I was okay with it and it turns out that everyone else is too. I don’t think a single person thought any less of me because I got a negative sign tacked on to my normal A. Most people, in fact, still treated it like I got straight As.

Physics II gave me another A- this spring and yes, I did fall in the same trap again of getting cocky and then fearing for my grades, but it wasn’t as bad as last time. I think I’ve (hopefully) finally learned that no matter what happens, I’m still brilliant. I’ve still accomplished far more than many of my peers by just spending my high school days in college, by choosing this path for myself. I’ve learned that failure (if you can call an A- failure) is one of the best parts of life because it’s one of the few experiences you can actually grow from. I look forward to the future, to my third year of college as my friends start their first, and to the possibilities that come with letting go of fear and being the best that I can be.