The Freedom to "Fight it Out!" by Julia

The Freedom to "Fight it Out!" by Julia - March 2024 Scholarship Essay

Why must there be such strife? Why such division? The constant fighting, defensive tones, and offended hearts fill my spirit with dread at the prospect of working with people who don’t think like me, talk like me, or look like me. Fear is the biggest hindrance to knowledge; hopelessness to growth. When we experience working closely with people who differ from us, our world is expanded. I have been blessed with this opportunity through a relationship with a fellow martial artist I train with every week; Nick is different from me in many ways. Five years my senior, Nick does not share my gender, religion, upbringing, or many of my convictions, and yet, he has been one of the most delightful friends to train with and with whom to converse. Nick started the conversation, “So, you’re a Christian. What do you get out of religion?” Were the first things he said to me as we left class for the evening. My initial response, fueled by false presumptions, scarred experiences, and horror stories, was to go on the defensive; my heart beat faster, and I set up walls to prepare myself for the debate or accusations that were to follow. But these protection mechanisms were unnecessary. To my pleasant surprise, nothing remotely like what I imagined ensued. Starting on that day and extending for the next several months to the present, Nick and I enjoy a thriving friendship where we weekly discuss differences in opinion while we work together on the mats.
Working with Nick has helped me learn that open debate, without fear of broken relationship or offense, is one of the best things I can participate in to increase my knowledge. This is life changing. How often have I sought out corroborating opinions to support my bias, not being willing to wonder what the other side of the equation is? When I talk with Nick, a face is given to the opposing opinion. Discussing psychology, philosophy, and spirituality (3 areas of personal and professional interest to the both of us) with him does not allow me to dehumanize the voice on the other side, as an online comment-war does. Rather, I am forced to consider what he is saying as being the result of a life of experiences different from mine, and a unique brain that has thoughtfully pursued its opinions.
These experiences helped me grow as a person of deep thought, compassion, and courage to engage with others who are not like me. When I talk with Nick, I am forced to go beyond the shallow pleasantries. He asks questions that are purposeful, truly listens to your thoughts and replies with care. I am inspired by him to be a better active listener, something that will really help me in my goal of becoming a Child trauma counselor. Coordinating events and training with him has taught me that you can work closely with anyone, no matter their beliefs, if you respect their human dignity. My initial fear of being shot down was pleasantly lifted from my shoulders, Nick is a truly decent and curious fellow, a genuine man with whom I have no fear of severing ties over a simple difference in opinion. It might help that there is mutually assured destruction in case of a showdown, but that's beside the point.
This experience taught me that not everyone is out to tear you down. There are many people who truly have a desire to learn, and Nick has inspired me to genuinely seek out the truth and understanding from people who I don’t yet understand. I have learned to not assume people’s intention behind their inquiries, but to indiscriminately respond to all questions with graceful sincerity. Now, when I craft an opinion on something, Nick is one of the first people I propose it to; I want to know what he has to say about it, and what new light he could shed on the subject.
Nick has helped me learn that I can have friends who aren’t like me, and that these are some of the most valuable friendships to have. Such people will push you to grow, learn deeply, and know yourself fully. Working with people who are different from you, who, perhaps, don’t agree with you on many things, is an essential way to increase one’s compassion for the world and one’s empathy with the vastness and diversity of the human race.
I would encourage everyone to surround themselves with people who don’t think like them, talk like them, or look like them. What greater opportunity is there to learn and grow as an individual, as a member of society, and as a world-changer than to fellowship with a wide variety of people? The freedom to "fight out" your differences of opinion with mutual respect, honesty, and a genuine desire to learn, is a blessing far too few people take advantage of. The world has such great diversity to offer us, such personal growth at our fingertips, such profound camaraderie and societal healing to enjoy if we are just brave enough to step out of our comfort zone. Choose discomfort, choose freedom, choose to work closely with someone with a different perspective, and see how much you, too, can learn and grow.