"Insecurities shouldn't hinder your personal growth" by Jaedun

"Insecurities shouldn't hinder your personal growth" by Jaedun - November 2018 Scholarship Essay

Insecurities are the intangibles that hinder us from accepting the features we were born with and the characteristics we can’t control. This quote holds value because I was once in a depressed stage in my life. This stems from the idea of uncertainty, doubt, and lack of self-esteem.I was appointed the opportunity to host my fifth grade graduation. I remember it distinctively. I wore a white suit, a blue vest, and a white hat. I was honored to have this opportunity but it was overshadowed by what the doctor thought was “alopecia”. This is when your hair falls out, leaving numerous amounts of dispersed patches throughout your scalp.The Dalmatian-like patches created the illusion that my head was bigger than it really was. Before I decided to cover it up, people would ask “do you have cancer”. In my mind I didn’t know how to explain it. It was difficult because cancer wasn’t prevalent in my family nor did I want to label myself as someone with cancer because I didn’t have it. Likewise, alopecia is just as dominant but the doctors were still unsure what exactly was going on, making it even more difficult for me to define it.
At this age, judgment was frequent and the words and thoughts of others were capable of shaping one’s character. Their words could either hurt you or build you. I was reluctant to reveal this insecurity because I let society control my mind. I thought that pleasing others was the “right” thing to do, which forced me to hide behind a hat. I became immune to this lifestyle, making this “hat” a part of my everyday wardrobe. Every time I got my haircut, I requested appointments outside of store hours, just so no one would see me. I would go around 5am or 10pm, insuring there were no customers in sight. People are insecure even towards strangers. They let their conscious prevent them from moving ahead with their life. I later realized there was nothing I could do to change it. In order for me to move forward, I had to focus on bettering myself and building my inner confidence. This condition would go away gradually; as a result of the countless amounts of medication and treatments I was supervised to take. I soon gained the courage to stop considering everyone’s opinions and just go. At a young age, I learned that strength within yourself is what’s most important. When you gain strength, you gain the courage to tackle any hardship that disrupts your path to success. At first I was timid when tackling conflicts but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized each experience in your life strengthens you for the next end results. Consequently, I’ve been able to brush challenges off and focus on the bigger outcome. In today's day in age, bullying is escalating and people are lacking the necessary support systems, leaving them to battle these demons alone. Many teenagers my age suffer from identity crisis and anxiety. As high school students, we experience obstacles that molds our character and can affect our personal growth. If society were to neglect the idea of perfection or the “norms” of society, many people would be happier and they would actually feel confident when told to be themselves. As a community, we must disregard the flaws of a person and measure their character instead. Great leaders are judgment free, as they lead by example and help educate society, rather than tear them down.