Looking For A New Way of Living by Ivette

Looking For A New Way of Living by Ivette - October 2021 Scholarship Essay

Throughout my childhood I was well known with the experience of death. My father was the first to die when I was a baby, then my grandmother a couple months later, my uncle was next when I was around the age of 10 making it the first funeral I remembered, several years after was my grandfather around Christmas time, and lastly almost a year later was my cousin who was like a big sister to me. Her death was the hardest to take, it brought me to realize that I never really overcame those past losses. The book Looking for Alaska written by the famous author John Green, helped me understand death and that people don’t get to decide when they go. It was the first book I read that had the perspective of losing a friend they cherished. That is why I now feel more connected with my grief and live out every moment I can, although I haven’t been able to accept my cousin’s departure to her own paradise away from me.
In the book, after the main character, Miles, was told Alaska had died, he couldn’t believe that it was true. And once he realized that no one was lying he felt that he was the only one to blame for her death. Blaming oneself for death is a common reaction that I observed in my family. I blamed myself for never picking up the phone when my cousin called the day before her death, and I know that my family blames themselves for not taking her to the hospital the day she fainted. However, toward the end of the book, Miles accepts that it wasn’t his entire fault and that wherever Alaska roams, she would forgive him. I know my cousin would forgive me for mistreating our time together. And in the beginning when my family and I received that phone call in the morning, I thought that the worst outcome was that my cousin was sent to the hospital, so I called to check, only to find out she was no longer with us.
The lesson I gained from John Green’s heartfelt book was to live my life to the fullest. Every challenge I faced I overcame because I think of my cousin and the endless experiences she could’ve had. Her life came to an end, so I continue to live out mine for her. Even though it isn’t the same I believe that it’s the only way I can honor her memory. Life can always be taken from us, and most people don’t realize how delicate their life is. Sadly, because of my experiences, I do so I’ll continue to try and experience as much as I can in my lifetime.