A Letter To a Younger Self by Hope

A Letter To a Younger Self by Hope - April 2016 Scholarship Essay

I thought if I didn’t have it all figured out by the time I graduated high school, I’d be toast. I looked around me and everyone seemed to have a plan for their life. I told myself it was sad that they had every birthday between 18 and 50 mapped out, but really, I was terrified by the uncertainty of my own future.

Everyone in my class wanted to pursue perfectly normal careers: teachers, nurses, dentists, and morticians. I couldn’t decide between author, hot air balloon pilot, or organic farmer. A lot of the time, I wondered if maybe I expected too much from life. Was it crazy to think that one day I might do something remarkable? I felt like the odd one out in all my friend groups; and even though I really didn’t know what career I wanted, I decided to go to college anyway, because, hey, that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?

It’s perfectly acceptable to know exactly what you want to do with your life. What no one will tell you is that it is equally acceptable to have no idea whatsoever.

I spent a year in a community college panicking over the thought that I was increasing my debt with every credit hour. After my first year, I decided that I couldn’t go back the next semester. My original plan was to take a semester off, but I managed to turn it into two years. I applied for an AmeriCorps position working with rural youth in poverty. I moved from the flat lands of Illinois, to the beautiful red rock cliffs of Utah. I finally learned something definitive about myself- I learned I wanted to live in a place with mountains. I took one step further in figuring out where I was headed.

While I was in AmeriCorps, I developed a children’s literacy program. The primary goal of the program was to allow the youth the resources necessary to think about literature beyond the words on the page- at a higher level. I learned something extremely valuable- some people get paid to talk about books, and I wanted to be one of them.

I was about three quarters of the way through my term when I fully realized that I actually had always known what I wanted to do, but I had been afraid to do it. All my life I had been writing. Since I was in kindergarten I’d been making little books and stapling them together. At the same time, I’d been taught growing up that writing doesn’t provide a sustainable income, that’s it’s not a real job, that you can’t study to become an author.

I decided to try it anyway. I was done with people telling me what I could and couldn’t do. I was done being told that I should know everything. This period of my life is for learning; for making mistakes and having experiences. I don’t want to deny myself that.

Sometimes, it takes a little extra time to figure out what you want from life. It’s o.k. to not know where you’re going. No one should expect you to know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life at age 18, and if you’re feeling pressure to decide, just remember that it costs some people thousands of dollars to change their major. You’ll figure it out when you’re ready. Whether your moment comes in the middle of a philosophy class, on a hike in the middle of the desert, in a crowded mall, or in a counseling session, you will figure out your future. You’ll get there. If you need something to do while you’re waiting, I know a place in rural Utah that’s hiring; they just found out one of their staff is going away to college in the fall.